1. Enjoy mediocre lunch, AND freshen your breath.
2. This universal remote, is universally tur-bull.
3. Ever not lose your Chapstick?
4. The cords are safe, and the walls are only mostly ruined.
5. Homemade Sprite at twice the price!
6. At this point you might as well fork.
7. Who is drinking all this mayonnaise?
8. If you can afford a Keurig, you can afford to order Chinese food.
9. Great, now you have to eat the whole box.
10. Now we're out of Doritos! I hate camping, and I hate you dad!
11. I didn't need that job anyways.
12. All the popcorn in my hair was worth it. All the butter was not.
13. This helps your friends identify the jerk. Pro tip: It's you.
14. Your collar is so straight, and your neck only suffered 2nd degree burns.
15. Very funny. Now where are the cupcakes?
#RetrainYourBrain - Virgin Mobile