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How Stereotypically Swedish Are You?

You think eating meatballs and shopping at Ikea is enough to make you Swedish? Think again.

Posted on
BuzzFeed / Travellingsteve / Via Flickr: steveallen
  1. Check everything that applies to you:

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    You think Abba was bigger than Michael Jackson.
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    You think Sweden is the world’s biggest music exporter.
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    You think Max Martin wrote every Billboard No. 1 last year.
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    Seriously, he did.
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    You took paid parental leave, or you will one day.
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    And it was/will be for at least a year.
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    You may have another kid just so you can do it again.
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    You complain about Sweden a lot.
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    But when you’re abroad, you praise it to the skies.
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    You don’t celebrate the National Day…
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    And you would never wave a flag.
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    But, deep down, you believe that everything good in the world is Swedish.
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    And you love to name-drop every single Swedish band/product/company/invention.
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    No matter how good you are at promoting Sweden, you suck at promoting yourself…
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    Because that would be extremely arrogant.
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    Each time Sweden scores highest on an international ranking list, it makes your day. (And it happens A LOT.)
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    But only the good ones (like equality, sustainability, and wealth distribution).
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    When you heard Sweden scored low in international education rankings, you couldn’t believe it.
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    It makes no sense!
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    You’re deeply depressed from November to March.
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    The other months of the year, you're the happiest person on earth.
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    You’re beautiful.
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    Your kids are beautiful.
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    Your grandparents are beautiful.
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    Your dog is beautiful.
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    Your summer house is beautiful.
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    The chair you're sitting on right now is beautiful.
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    The wall in front of you is beautiful.
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    Everything in your life must be beautiful.
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    You love the sun.
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    Especially when you don’t see it for six months.
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    You love Thailand.
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    You think trips to Thailand should be a basic human right.
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    You care a lot about your carbon footprint.
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    Except when it comes to taking a plane to go to Thailand.
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    You’re a feminist.
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    You think all men should be feminists.
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    The men you know (including yourself if you’re a guy) kinda look like girls.
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    But beautiful girls.
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    They wear really tight jeans.
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    And pink shirts.
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    People from abroad sometimes assume they’re gay.
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    You’ve been backpacking in Asia.
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    You found yourself.
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    Then you went to surfing school in Australia.
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    The government paid for it.
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    You use the gender neutral word "hen."
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    A lot.
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    You think people who don’t are sexist.
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    You think a lot of people are sexist.
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    You love rules.
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    You ALWAYS wait in line.
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    You'd rather share a bed with an open can of surströmming than cut in line.
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    You don’t talk to strangers.
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    Unless they cut in line.
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    And unless you’re drunk. You do talk to strangers when you’re drunk.
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    At least, that’s what you’ve been told, you can’t really remember.
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    You think Norwegians are lazy.
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    And Danes are unreliable.
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    And Finns are strange.
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    You love America.
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    You want to live in New York City.
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    You travel a lot.
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    You think drugs are Satan’s craft.
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    You don’t believe in God.
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    But you wouldn’t mind marrying in a church anyway.
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    As long as no one talks about God.
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    You love healthy food.
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    You bring a lunchbox to work every day.
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    You rarely eat out.
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    Unless your grandparents are paying, you just graduated, or it's pizza.
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    You created an iPhone app.
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    It failed.
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    You are working on a new one at the moment.
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    You studied for two years before you decided what to study.
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    You think Zlatan Ibrahimovic is the world's best football player.
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    Ever.
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    You don’t believe in monarchy.
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    Unless we're talking about Victoria's cute kid.
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    Your English is impeccable.
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    But you sound German.
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    You order free coffees for your friends.
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    You meant to say "three."
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    You love fika.
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    You have it every day at free o'clock.
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    You trust the government.
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    You trust big corporations (if they’re Swedish).
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    You have a gym membership.
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    But you prefer to run outside.
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    In big groups.
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    Even when it snows.
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    You have camped in the forest several times.
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    You pick mushrooms in the forest.
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    You pick blueberries in the forest.
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    You fish in streams.
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    Mostly on other people’s property.
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    Every week you eat close to your weight in hushållsost, grevé, herrgårdsost, or whatever big cheese you can get your hands on.
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    You cut cheese with a cheese slicer (osthyvel).
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    You dislike people who cut cheese so it looks like a ski slope.
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    You love salty licorice.
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    And pickled herring.
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    And Kalles Kaviar.
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    You'd never be reckless enough to drink a glass of wine on a Tuesday.
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    But you never drink less than two bottles of wine on a Friday — that'd be boring.
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    You don’t remember what you did last Friday.
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    The government subsidizes your birth control pills (or your girlfriend’s).
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    You have to buy all your liquor from Systembolaget.
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    You were out-of-this-world happy when Systembolaget decided to be open on Saturdays.
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    Because you couldn’t shop there before you turned 20, you either had a fake ID, became best friends with local drunkards, told your parents you needed wine for cooking class, or had older siblings buy it for you.
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    You make you own moonshine or have at least once considered doing so.
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    You got drunk for the first time when you where 14.
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    You drank folköl.
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    You had 20 of them.
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    Then you had your first snus.
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    It made you dizzy.
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    You puked.
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    And you’ve been an addict ever since.
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    The worst thing you can imagine is an awkward silence.
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    The only thing that scares you more than that is confrontation.
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    Therefore, you agree with most things people say.
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    You dream about having a sauna in your one-bedroom apartment.
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    You work hard.
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    But you get home at 5 p.m. EVERY day. (That’s right after fika.)
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    You take six weeks of vacation every year.
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    But you still want to kill yourself in the winter.
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    The only thing that keeps you from doing so is super-strong coffee and cinnamon buns.
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    In others words you live for fika.
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    You think this list is politically incorrect.
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    You think this list is heteronormative.
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    You strive to be politically correct.
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    You fail.
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    But you still criticize others who you think are politically incorrect.
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    You hate war.
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    But it’s OK if your daughter plays war because it’s good for gender equality.
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    You are proud that Sweden hasn’t fought a war for the past 200 years.
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    And you tend to forget that in the past, Swedes were extremely brutal (the Vikings, Karolinerna).
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    You don’t want to waste tax money on defense.
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    Until you see a Russian submarine outside your beautiful summer house.
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    Oh, never mind, it was just a mink.
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    Yes, you're still a bit afraid of the Russians.
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    You speak Swedish.
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    You are Swedish.

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