Are you ready?
3. Dear Future Husband
V: How do you feel about the husband song? Very Olly
A: I like it. I feel like "Lips Are Moving" is the strongest of the singles
V: I like how she makes you think she's going to give you head and then makes fun of you for having a dirty mind.
A: She knows what she wants in this song.
4. Close Your Eyes
A: Damn I'm in that groove. Where's the Ariana / Meghan duet???
V: On the Ariana so much.
A: It's basically Ariana's first album
A: 3am/ I might be looking for a late night friend.
A: 3am/ Yup I'm texting you once again/ even though I'm hanging with my friends.
A: TELL IT MEGHAN
V: She is basically singing your truth in this song.
6. Like I'm Gonna Lose You (feat. John Legend)
A: Omg John Legend duet???
V: It's cute. Like "romantic resolution slow dance prom scene at the end of a teen movie." Also this is pretty Ariana too. And by that I mean vaguely urban 50s, which apparently is a thing.
A: We should look up the writers. Gotta be some overlap.
V: Oh the riffing. Just enough riffing.
A: So I'm gonna love you like I'm gonna lose you / I'm gonna hold you like I'm saying goodbye. OOF
7. Bang Dem Sticks
V: Interesting to follow [Like I'm Gonna] with this
A: Bang bang dem sticks
V: It's kinda like cleaner throwback Missy from back in the day when marching bands were a thing. Excepts she's actually singing about drummers. It's like breaking the fourth wall.
V: Walkashame is glorious. "Don't act like you haven't been there"
A: "7am with the bedhead"
V: She gets it.
V: This is like a classy anthem for women on morning after walks. Like the walk of shame isn't shameful. This is feminism.
A: "Called me his bae / asked me to stay" YUM
V: Good use of current lingo
A: I don't know how I feel about always introducing the beat drop in the middle of a song.
V: The formula works but too much is overkill
V: Also now she doesn't want him blowing her shit up at 3am. But before she was definitely doing that.
V: She's allowed to have different preferences but if this is the same person from before she's sending mixed messages
V: Also re: beat drop it seems like she always drops into white girl rap. Which feels kinda weird. Is it appropriative? It's like "I'm singing this cute pop song but look I can sort of rap too cus I'm hip"
A: Yeah it's a little appropriative but it's not just her it's a lot of white grrls in pop music today. It's just sometimes it feels more forced than others.
A In "Lips are Movin'" it's confident and very fitting. But in like...bang dem sticks maybe less so
10. What If I
V: Here's another Ariana Grande track. I feel like every other or every third song is like this.
A: It's half an Ariana album. The flow of the album isn't great.
V: She could've just split it in half and been like "this is the 50's half."
A: Or it could've transitioned better.
V: Although I like how [this song] is kind of pre consent. Like she's about to ask but she's really just testing the waters. Very vulnerable.
A Brief Interlude (One that isn't an Intro)
11. Lips Are Movin
V: On theme though I do like the reintroduction of the bass element into "Lips." She's clearly established her brand is bass. Smart move.
A: It's really good discourse
Generally we adore this song and if you've listened to the radio recently you should as well.
12. No Good For You
V: This has kind of No Doubt meets Black Eyed Peas meets Stacie Orrico vibes. Stacie Orrico is on my mind now otherwise I wouldn't have mentioned her, but it still makes sense.
V: I think this is the sleeper track of the album. Like after multiple listens it becomes your new fave without you even realizing it.
13. Mr. Almost
V: Do we have info about Shy Carter? What is his context as an artist?
A: Co-wrote Sugarland's hit single "Stuck Like Glue."
A: This is another confusing message in relation to all the other messages. "You were so close, my Mr. Almost."
V: I will say that despite her inconsistency and lack of theme she still really gets it.
A: Mr. Almost has some billionaire vibes on the rap. Also literally references Billionaire.
V Oh very correct.
A: It reveals itself as "Mr. Almost a Billionaire at the end.
V: I just generally love when people get quoted within raps, which he does here.
14. My Selfish Heart
A: I will say that this song is the most Ariana on this entire album.
V: Oh god it so is! WHERE IS THE DUET?
V: Okay now she wants to get calls again on this song. But she should put a disclaimer that they can't be at 3am.
V: I feel like a lot of my break-ups would've made much more sense if I had just sung this song during the breakup convo.
A: Hahaha well 3am is basically what I'm on right now.
Both: MT gets us.
A: Credit isn't a great closer. Should also maybe be an opener?
A: I like the intro, it's very throwback to 90s hip hop (...which isn't great in terms of Meghan white girl Trainor...but)
V: I like this song, but it's too similar in vibes to come right after "My Selfish." It would be a good closer if there had been a different order. Also she says the word boobies which is good.
A: And theres the same formulaic rap thing.
V: Ugh. At least she uses her last name as a pun and references Ryan Gosling. She knows what the internet wants.
We thought we were done...but then...
What We Came Up With
1. The Best Part
V: We can still start with this cus it's an intro to storytelling, which she's actually doing in this version
2. Lips Are Movin
V: This is why she breaks up with the loser in the first place. He's just tellin lies
3. My Selfish Heart
A: Okay here's what I'm feeling - the breakup guy is an on and off again relationship, so that's why Meghan is so manic about what she wants.
V: So even though they break up she 3am's him.
5. No Good For You
A: Is she pep talking herself into ending it for good?
V: I think it's partly her friends are like "Get your shit together, Megs" after all of her 3am-ing
6. Mr. Almost
Meghan calls it off with the guy, this time for good
7. Dear Future Husband
V: She knows what she wants now next time she gets in a relationship
8. All About That Bass
A: This is when she's single and super-confident.
V: This is her sexual reawakening post breakup.
9. Bang Dem Sticks
After the sex. But it's all good.
11. What If I
A: Then she meets John Legend
V: She's been doing her thing and then out of nowhere she falls in love. She's nervous about it.
V: But this time around she knows what she wants.
A: She isn't playing any games this time.
13. Like I'm Gonna
A: They are in love.
V: It is sensitive and emotional, not like that other guy
Meghan has found a new love and to wrap it all up she sees her ex with a new woman and gives no fucks.
15. Close Your Eyes
A: She knows she's beautiful. She's been on a JOURNEY.
V: We've learned so much.
And that's it!!
V: All about that bass, but not about that inconsistency.
V: Confident and fun, but a little too much white girl beat switch rap.
V: You will often wonder why Ariana Grande isn't there
V: Would strut to this album.
A: A couple of sleeper anthems, but might also put you to sleep.
A: Would listen during a Walkashame
3.5/5 Sticks (to bang)
The type of album that will garner a higher rating than that with more listens, but not necessarily the type you'll feel like you can put on repeat, mostly because the strange song order makes some of the better songs jump out less. A handful of solid, catchy tunes, but the singles are the most memorable.
But who are we to make a judgment call? Good job MT!