Global warming is like Tinkerbell. If enough of us join together and yell "I don't believe!" global warming will go away. So do you're part for the planet and yell "I don't believe in global warming!" as loud as you can because we need to drown out all those scientists sitting around in their labs clapping their hands and saying "I believe!"
Victory!
So now that we've rid the world of global warming, let's learn about some amazing earth science.
Seasons yo
The earth is tilted on its axis and makes an elliptical orbit around the sun. This is why we have seasons. If you find that confusing, go back to kindergarten, I can't help you.
Go home earth, you’re drunk.
The earth is a drunk driver. It wobbles on its axis and it drives outside the lines and it doesn't look straight ahead. This is why some winters are colder than others and why we get droughts and floods.
The earth is a predictable drunk.
A man named Milutin Milankovic used the maths to map out the earth's wobbling while chilling in a Russian POW camp during WWI. Some people have all the fun.
But, Blizzards!
Greenhouse gases can't change the earth's orbit. We will still get seasons and they will still vary from year to year. So why are scientists making such a big deal about them? I mean there's ice and snow and cold and stuff and we haven't been invaded by gilled Kevin Costners.
I need my gilled Kevin Costner!
It's all about chemistry
Greenhouse gases hang around in the atmosphere and hold onto the sun's energy, preventing it from escaping into outer space. That's why we don't live on a frozen hunk of rock. The more we pollute extra greenhouse gases, the more energy our atmosphere holds onto.
So why do we still have massive snowstorms?
That elliptical orbit I mentioned has something to do with it, we still get winter. It's also because energy doesn't always mean heat, which is why we switched from calling it global warming to calling it climate change. The earth has a lot of water on it as ocean and ice and glaciers and clouds and stuff and water is hard to predict. It messes stuff up, it holds onto heat, and it moves around. That's why meteorologists have trouble telling you exactly what the weather will be like next week.
Toddler Analogy
Think of it this way: our climate is a small, bored toddler with a glass of water. We know she is going to spill that water at some point. We also know that there will be crying and laughing and walking around and maybe some napping. This is what toddlers do.
Now picture greenhouse gasses as an open bag of sugar. We know she is going to spill the sugar and we know she will at some point eat the sugar. We are absolutely positive she will make a sticky mess. We may not be able to predict the exact details of that mess, or how that glass of water is going to fit into it. We don't know how the sugar is going to affect her crying and napping. But just because we can't describe the exact details of the mess, it doesn't mean we're wrong when we say there will be a mess.
There will be a mess and it will be sticky.
Worth the tantrum
This is why it's so frustrating to watch politicians argue about whether the sugar is responsible for the mess, while continuing to give the toddler more sugar. Every time the toddler runs around and screams we say, "look at how horrible sugar is." And every time she takes a nap we say, "see, the sugar isn't a problem, we can totally give her more because you scientists are completely wrong."
I don't believe!
So don't believe in climate change. Climate change isn't Tinkerbelle or Santa Claus. Instead, take the time to understand what's going on so that we can get to a point where we stop blaming every hurricane and drought on global warming, and then turn around and say, "look scientists are wrong," when it gets really cold or we get a massive snowstorm.
Just because the details are hard to predict doesn't mean scientists are wrong. Climate change is happening and we need to do everything we can to prevent it from getting even worse.
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