Note: This post contains mention of sexual assault, abuse, rape, and suicide.
As it goes, many 'nice guys' often lament that women never give them a chance. Of course, these guys typically aren't genuinely nice. According to Dictionary.com — OK, Dictionary.com's Slang Dictionary — a nice guy is "a pejorative term for an insecure man who expects his kindness to be rewarded with sex."
1. "He seemed a bit shy but goofy, smart, and genuinely kind when he approached me, so I agreed to go out with him. We hit it off at first and had deep, meaningful conversations about our personal challenges. He quickly met my friends, and I was the first person he called after a family emergency. We were both pretty vulnerable, but things were seemingly progressing somewhat well. One day, he was on Tinder in bed next to me. When I called him on it, he said that dating me had made him realize that he needed more confidence and experience with women, and therefore he needed to date a lot more different people — but he only fucked the others at their houses, so I was obviously his No. 1."
2. "He went on and on about what a great, compassionate guy he was. In reality, he was actually just your garden variety, abusive psycho. He once said to me, 'I wish you had been abused so you would realize how great I am.'"
"What the fuck. Who says that?!" —u/OhNoMyKeys
3. "He was lovely. I met him when I was taking art classes at a college. He was doing the class as a second subject because he needed more qualifications to go to university. We had a lovely first year together. I met his family, and they were also nice people. This lasted until he failed the final exam, and I didn't. We got our results at the same time, and when he saw his, he went ballistic and angrily said, 'Why do I always have to settle for the second choice?' I said, 'That's not true you've—,' but I didn't get time to finish what I was going to say. He interrupted me, saying, 'Don't think you were even my second choice. You were just available, and no wonder why. You're defective, so I could be certain no one was going to try and take you away from me.' I have a disability, and he was a nasty, jealous, little bastard underneath that 'nice' exterior."
4. "He went out bowling with his friends. When he came home, he complained to me that, for the first time in his life, a hot girl had hit on him while he was out, and he was unlucky enough to actually have a girlfriend. He seemed genuinely sad he had to turn her down and expected me to be grateful he did it."
5. "I didn't actually give him a chance, but one day, I was talking to my friend, Andrew, in the break room at work when another guy jumped into the conversation with a, 'Hey, man, what's up?' to Andrew. I assumed they were coworkers. After that, he'd stop by my office every night 'on his way out' to make awkward small talk. I mentioned that I have a boyfriend, but he'd keep coming anyway. I eventually told him these conversations made me uncomfortable and that when I'm at work, I'm working. He said, 'Jeez, I was just saying hi on my way out.' I finally closed my office door and waved him off when he'd knock, but he still kept coming. At that point, I went to Andrew and asked him to tell his coworker to fuck off. Turns out, Andrew has only ever spoken to him that one time in the break room. We looked him up in the company directory, and the guy worked two floors below me. I'm not 'on [his] way out.'"
6. "He didn't wash his foreskin and balls, he had visible dick cheese, and he said, 'Achievement unlocked: Virginity lost,' when we first had sex."
7. "He seemed great. We hit it off and worked through some early issues (he used to ignore me for days at a time to play video games with his friends without any sort of text to let me know he was busy). His mom was diagnosed with terminal cancer about a year in, so I moved in with him to spend as much time with her as possible and to support him. Eight months after she passed away, a friend of mine found his profile on the dating app we met on. It was active with a paid subscription and consisted of the same exact profile I'd met him using. When confronted, he said he was just trying to make friends, and that I couldn't count it as cheating because nobody ever messaged him back."
8. "He tried to rape me because I 'belonged to [him] and only [him]' now. He thought a girlfriend couldn't say no. I ended up putting him in the hospital."
9. "I met a nice guy on Tinder. He lived 50 minutes away and insisted on an all-day date. I said I'm not comfortable subscribing to 8+ hours with someone I hadn't met, but he kept insisting I had to make it worth his while. At that point, I said I can't see it going anywhere, it was putting me under pressure, and, realistically, it may not work out, so let's leave it. He replied he was booking a hotel. I explained that's sweet but made me uncomfortable, so he said I could have the bed, and he'd be a gentleman and take the sofa. I told him he had the wrong idea — I'm not going to a hotel with him; I don't want to meet. He continued, saying he's a nice guy and won't make me have sex if I don't want to. I told him I don't want to and wished him luck with his search. Apparently, I needed to give him a chance as he's willing to come all this way. He then added my Snapchat via my number and said he could see what street I'm on."
10. "We were just friends and only went out once, yet he became jealous and felt the need to make me feel bad whenever other guys gave me a little attention. He also had a horrible drinking problem and serious anger issues. The whole time he was trying to woo me, he was also hooking up with his ex and ended up getting her pregnant."
"So yeah, no regrets about that." —u/lyn90
11. "We met on Tinder. He convinced me that he was a nice guy who was misunderstood. He catfished me with old photos and tried to convince me that I had autism, saying we'd be 'an amazing autistic couple.' I finished the date and made polite conversation while waiting for my half of the check. I then wouldn't let him walk me to my car. I walked him to the bus stop and waited for the bus to leave before I left. When I told him we didn't have chemistry, he begged for another chance. He said he was depressed and had to see me again because I helped him feel happy. This is 110% emotional blackmail, and I fell for it. We met again, and I was uncomfortable the entire time. He tried to insist I was the one for him if I'd just meet him closer to his place. He kept grabbing my waist and hands despite me saying no. I was weirded out and eventually said goodnight. He went in for a kiss, but I ducked and walked home. He threatened suicide later that night.'"
12. "I dated a nice guy before I knew what nice guys were, and it was an experience. He took a picture I had up on MySpace — showing my age — and made it his MySpace background. So if you went to his profile, there was a tiled background of that photo. He also was clingy when we were out in public. One day, I went to his house after school. My mom had gotten tickets for a movie later that night, so I had to be home by a certain time. He kept saying typical nice guy things and then was like, 'Hey, let's play this game. It's called Are You Comfortable and goes like this: I'm going to put my hand on your leg, and you tell me when you're uncomfortable.' He then put his hand on my thigh, super close to my vagina, and I was like, 'I'm uncomfortable already.' He started saying, 'Aw, come on. It's not that bad; I won't do anything,' but got more aggressive. Then, my mom called me about the movie, and I ran out of that house."
"I tried breaking up with him after, and he kept saying weird things like, 'Have you cum when we were hanging out?' Like, what? No. When I finally broke up with him, he threatened to kill himself, changed his name on MySpace to something emo, and made his whole profile black. I ended up getting called to the guidance counselor's office and asked about it. I was like, 'GUYS, I JUST BROKE UP WITH HIM. HE'S PSYCHOTIC.'
I tried looking him up a while ago. He's apparently an Eagle Scout now, so I guess he's got that going for him." —u/reasonablecatlady
13. "He was a friend of a friend. We went on a date and just didn't click. The last thing I heard from him was a long rant about how immigrants were stealing his chance to get a girlfriend 'because girls like being mistreated by evil Muslims, and the nice guy is forever alone.'"
"That's when I really felt like I dodged a bullet." —u/[deleted]
14. "I was coming out of a string of toxic, abusive relationships, so I promised myself I'd try to find a genuinely nice guy. Well, I had a date with this one guy. He was nice, and we had fine conversations, but I didn't feel any chemistry. However, I also wasn't used to dating guys who weren't blatant assholes, so I figured that was why I didn't feel an immediate connection. I told myself to go on one more date with him. This led to a third date, during which he asked me to move in with him, offered to put me on his insurance, and told me he loved me. I very gently told him that he was a great guy but clearly more invested than me and that he deserved someone who was equally attracted to him. At the time, he was cordial but confused. The next day, he posted a long rant on Facebook about how nice guys finish last, girls only want to date assholes, and how he opened his heart and home to 'this ungrateful bitch' only to be slapped with rejection."
15. "He was attentive and 'not like the other guys.' He wasn't my type, but I'd been dating people who genuinely treated me poorly, so I thought it was time to make a mature decision and date someone with a job, who respected me, etc. He proposed quickly, and I married him. He then became the most abusive person I've ever known. He demanded I devolve into his sex slave and was addicted to porn, weed, and video games. According to him, he was special and 'not like other guys.' He thought he was smarter and more honest than anyone in the world, and I didn't appreciate him enough. I became a prisoner in my own home. He controlled all the money and my social life. One day, he physically attacked me, basically a coercive/physical rape attempt, and I fled my home in panicked fear. He sent me a manifesto email telling me that unless I can submit 100% to his complete sexual control at all times, I was not to come home (to the house we owned together)."
"I was miserable while we were married. We're divorced now. He keeps trying to get me back, saying he's 'changed' and misses me." —u/[deleted]
16. "At first, I was sympathetic that he hadn't made any friends before we dated (at the end of our junior year). I believed him when he said people always bullied him and didn't want to be friends. He loved the idea of dating someone who wanted to be a counselor as he thought it an admirable job. Turns out, he wanted a therapist more than a partner. He'd get upset if I didn't walk on eggshells around him. He also blamed me for not wanting to have sex every day. I was getting frequent UTIs and physically unable to have sex, but that was an excuse to him. He considered masturbating as reprehensible as cheating, so when I wasn't in the mood, it was my fault for masturbating — whether I had or not. It got to a point where I'd agree to get it over with so he'd leave me alone. He had weird ideas about sex — it could only be missionary with very little foreplay or aftercare — so sex became this uncomfortable, two-minute daily dissociation I got through."
17. "He went on and on about how he 'wouldn't just use me for sex.' I mean, I'd hope not. Why the need to tell me repeatedly? He also tried to buy me expensive gifts after only one date and went way over the top with compliments."
"I got very uncomfortable and canceled our second date." —u/[deleted]
18. "I went on two dates with him. We had a good enough time that I went back to his place. He didn't use a condom despite me explicitly requiring it. He had them sitting out, and I didn't notice until it was too late. Oh, well, I got over it. I then noticed that I wasn't quite sure how much of what he said was true. We started setting up a third date, and I just had a bad feeling. I always listen to them, but I couldn't tell if it was about him or just the date, so I tried to reschedule. I told him I didn't feel comfortable, and that's when he went off: 'I bought groceries for this.' 'Come over here right now.' 'I hope you fucking get AIDS and die.' 'I'm so sorry; I didn't mean it.' 'Can we make this work?' 'I really like you.' 'Get over here now!' And on and on and on. Finally, he stopped, and I realized how much of a bullet I dodged and that I really was never safe in the first place."
