Obviously, nobody wants to find out that their partner is cheating on them – and especially not when they're already married to said partner.
So, we recently asked married people of the BuzzFeed Community to tell us how they discovered that their spouse was cheating on them, and... you may wanna take a seat before you read.
1. "I looked at his Apple Watch and saw his friend texted him that he needed to leave the other girl alone and focus on his marriage. His response, 'I only used my fingers.'"
"Lol." —beckyc4104b26ca
2. "It was our seven-year anniversary, and he went radio silent after he was supposed to be off work. It was 11 p.m., and I ended up driving to his dad's house — he went there frequently — to try to find him. He was in the spare bedroom with another woman."
"I was devastated. It then came out that he had been cheating on me for the last three years, with multiple women and taking all of them to his dad's house to cheat.
BTW, the girl I found him with ended up leaving him, she and I became friends, and now we’re both happily married to new men." —alyrobbbb
3. "He got a new cell phone and gave me his old one to sell to one of my friends. I reminded him to do a reset, and he said he did. His dumbass just deleted some stuff, but I saw texts between him and another girl."
"He was talking about how nice it was to hang out with her a few nights before when he had told me he was with his brother. It was a horrible, toxic relationship, and I was so relieved to have a good excuse to end it." —rooster05
4. "When the Ashley Madison leak happened, I used an online tool to see if his email had been leaked. Sure enough, he used his everyday email address with his very unusual and distinctive name and all his real details — address, birthdate, etc."
"This was three years after I had kicked him out, so it was nice to reaffirm my decision. The only downside was that the tool I used to check also sent an automatic email to him! But hey, now he knows that I know." —codes4et
5. "I got pregnant a month after we got married. We were both still in the Army and stationed apart for the majority of my pregnancy. My daughter was born six weeks premature, and I felt zero support from him. I was suffering from postpartum depression, PTSD, and other mental health issues. I didn’t find out until I was going through a hard part of my six-week PTSD treatment. He offered to take my daughter to Florida to see his parents so I could have a weekend to myself. Once there, he wasn’t answering my calls. I had been on his laptop for a consignment sale for kids, and his email kept popping up."
"A little thought came to my head to take a look at his email. Well, I found a flight confirmation from Southwest that had his name on one ticket and my daughter's and his lady friend's name on the other.
This fool tried to gaslight the shit out of me and had all these extravagant lies for everything that happened. He even cried about me not trusting him, saying that I was ruining our marriage. Because I was working through issues at the time, I considered believing him. He said had no idea who the woman was on the flight confirmation.
Here’s the twist — everyone in my group therapy was super close, and I was talking to this lady that I had made friends with about what happened. Another lady overheard (she worked on the same floor as my husband) and said, 'Hey, I know her name! She works on the same floor as your husband!' When I tell y’all the shit storm started... lol." —jeanettegiraldo
6. "We were visiting his parents four states away. He and our almost-two-year-old child were both snoring adorably on the bed in our hotel room. His phone was the closest, so I picked it up to snap a picture and saw a message from another woman."
"Turns out they had been dating for a year and a half."
7. "We had lived in Vienna for four years when she got a job in Berlin. After a year, we decided I would move to Berlin. I gave up my job and apartment. A week before I was to move, she said she was flying to the US for a retreat with her mom and wouldn't have much access to a phone. She called once at 2 a.m. and said she had calculated the time difference wrong. The next day, I got a call from one of her friends. It turns out that she was actually in China with her boyfriend, Stefan."
"I knew she had had an affair with him shortly after she got to Berlin, but I thought it was over because she told me it was over. After she got back to Europe, we talked. Over the course of the next six months, she earned my trust again.
I was still in Vienna and thinking of moving to Berlin when I found out from another friend that she and Stefan were flying to NYC. This was a long time ago. I'm very happily married now. She and Stefan didn't last." —infinidean
8. "My three-year-old daughter caught her dad cheating by pressing the record button on our answering machine. She recorded his conversation with the other woman. You should have seen his face when I played it back for him."
"There was no denying it. Needless to say, we have been divorced now for over 20+ years. He is on his third marriage, and I'm happy as a clam that I'm not the one who has to wonder where he is at night anymore!" —Hope, Facebook
9. "I caught a couple of phone calls made to his now-wife late at night. I asked about them, but he denied it and said it was work. However, they didn't work in the same department. We would argue, and I would stay at my mother's because it was too much. Finally, I went through his phone. The proof was there — while I was gone, he would bring her over for lunch, too."
"I asked him if he would want an open relationship just to see what he would say. He then agreed that would benefit our relationship. I laughed and told him it was over and that I knew he had been lying.
I took our baby that we had recently had, packed my shit, and never looked back. The other woman got pregnant, and she knew he was married the entire time. Now, their child is in foster care, and she was hiding a baby from a previous relationship from him for TWO YEARS." —avbabsy
10. "My ex would leave as soon as I got home from work to go to his mom's to help. She was fighting cancer, so I had no reason to not believe him. Until a shirtless pic of him was tagged at female friend's home at midnight."
"I was the only one working, supporting him, our new baby, and my mom so he could go to his mom's to help. Moron still wouldn't admit he cheated and still won't 10 years later." —katem4556b3c42
11. "I found out because he was being too nice to me. We had gotten into a huge fight the night before I left to visit family. We talked a little while I was gone but no long conversations. When I got back, he was very doting and sweet — which was not normal. We had a rocky relationship, and the fight we had was about one of his 'friends' that I just didn't like. Long story short, he took her to a show instead of me because he thought I didn't want to go, but I told him I did."
"Fast forward a couple of weeks after my trip and him being too nice, we hung out, we got breakfast, and he dropped me off at my apartment. As soon as I walked into my apartment, my stomach dropped. I had this gut feeling that hit me HARD.
I called him right away and as soon as he answered, I said, 'Did you cheat on me?' It went silent for what seemed like five minutes until he said, 'How did you know?' I just told him to come and get his shit. TRUST YOUR GUT!" —syd440
12. "I found out from Google timeline. Almost every day, it tracked her going between our house, work, and the other woman's place."
"I felt stalker-y looking at her Google account, but I had major suspicions and it proved me right! I moved out that weekend and never looked back." —lemon8chubs
13. "I came home on my lunch — which I did every day — and they were in bed. He was having a breakdown about turning 30, so she was 19."
"After his birthday, he told me he was done with her. He could not understand why I wouldn’t take him back. Our divorce was finalized about a year later. He actually did me a favor. My life is better now than I ever knew it could be." —christinwill11
14. "I opened his phone one morning to take a sexy pic and leave it stashed in his photos for him to find — and found the Kik app open to messages between him and another woman. She sent nudes the previous night, and he laughed about talking to her while I was asleep right next to him."
"I didn’t say a word until the kids left for school. The divorce sucked, but I’m happily remarried and have been for over a year now to a wonderful and faithful man!" —kristalm4e1ffbc6d
15. "We had been married 10 years with two beautiful children. I opened our shared laptop, and it was opened to an email from, basically, a Craigslist pimp, matching him with three eligible MEN! I was utterly shocked and immediately asked him what the fuck it was. He said it was an ad to pair people for a golf foursome!"
"Mother effer, you don't even play golf! Four months later, he came clean and came out. I was actually extremely relieved and happy for him. Eight years later, our kids are happy, and we're both now married to wonderful men!" —Libby, Facebook
16. "I was on the computer, and I just had the urge to check his Gmail. I found some Cash App's to a girl, then went to his Google Photos since it’s synced to his phone. I found a lot of pictures and videos of them having sex. To make matters worse, he took my daughter to see her."
17. "My ex-husband — immediately after we got married — asked for his best friend to move in with us. I said fine, he's a cool guy. Then, he wanted to bang him and begged me to be in an open relationship so we could have a threesome. I was hesitant but wanted to be supportive of him and his interests. Turns out, the friend was NOT into that but was into me — so he requested that he and I continue to do things. My ex-husband shrugged and said he didn't care as he was seeing other men already. I had no idea he had been using Grindr."
"Fast forward to the following year, I told him I wanted to focus on our marriage and wanted the open thing to end. He threatened me with divorce. So I said fuck it and kept seeing his friend, who made me very happy when we were together.
All three of us ended up moving states, and it turns out, my ex-husband had been sleeping with someone who was HIV positive without telling me. He also kept gaslighting me and completely tearing me down for anything I did.
I ended up demanding a divorce, and he told of his friends and family I cheated on him. He swiped 20 grand out of our joint bank account and left, then at the divorce hearing tried to get me back. Since then, I've been blissfully married to his now ex-best friend for two years, and we have two children. It's been hard for us to come to terms with the way he treated us, but we've helped each other through it. I still don't believe I cheated since he forced me into it." —kittenaerobics
18. "My ex-fiancé and I shared a cabin with other people. He quit his job and moved into the cabin full-time. I suspected something was going on with another woman in the cabin but had no proof, so I said nothing. Then, we were having sex, and he did something he'd never done before in our two-year relationship. A week later, we were skiing together and I took a bad fall, sustaining a very painful and serious knee injury. He screamed at me, then skied off. While I was lying there in the snow, I happened to look up."
"There, on the chairlift above me, he and this 'other person' were laughing and pointing at me, fractured and stranded in the snow.
That day, I made it down the mountain on my own and never looked back. The thing I did manage to take back, however, was my power." —calico016
19. "When I was eight-months pregnant, my then-husband was constantly texting someone and hiding underneath our blankets to not wake me up while I slept. One night, I had enough, so I went through his phone and found texts. When I confronted him about it, he said it was my fault because I was so hormonal."
"Later, I found out that the girl was a virgin and that he always wanted to be with a virgin." —tayraemc93
20. "He was a resident, would stay late at work, and constantly texted one of his co-residents — I matched for my residency in a different city. In December, I took an eight-hour bus ride to see him and got to his place at 4 a.m. He greeted me with a super enthusiastic kiss, and I just got this feeling that this kiss wasn't meant for me. He went to work, and I found emails between him and his married co-resident. I took photos, packed my bags, and confronted him, but he denied it. I started reading the emails, and then he told me breaking up is easier than he thought it would be."
"We’d done long-distance before. But as soon as I moved, he pulled away even further and only called when he needed to vent. When we'd see each other, he'd drink a ton. He spent my birthday dinner crying at this really awesome restaurant. When he'd get drunk, he'd say he was unhappy and wanted a divorce.
Then the next morning, he'd say he didn’t mean it, things had just been hard with both of us in residency, and he wanted to work on the relationship. I offered for us to take a break and see other people if that’s what he wants. But he said we'd make this work.
I called an Uber, called my mom, and flew home. I called him on NYE because that was an important day for us, but he told me he isn’t ready to talk. It’s been a year, and I’m still waiting on the divorce papers. Looking back, I see how toxic things were even before he cheated. I’m now terrified to be in a relationship ever again, but I’m happier." —suzzz
21. "My kids told me they were getting a new step sister but I wasn't allowed to know."
—Natalie, Facebook
22. "I asked my ex-husband if he was cheating, and he said no, got angry with me, and made me feel like I was causing a rift in our marriage. One evening, I was at home alone while he said he was out with friends. I checked my email and had been automatically emailed a receipt from CVS for some lube and condoms. He never came home that night, didn’t call, and never answered any of my texts nor calls."
"The next day, when he did come home, he acted as if nothing had happened. When I showed him the literal receipts, he denied it and lost it on me.
My mom was staying with us, and I had to make up a big excuse for him disappearing, plus the subsequent arguments and bad temper he had toward me after. Two weeks later was, he told me it was true and wasn’t the only time." —peterl40100fbae
23. "He kept borrowing my car while I was in class or at work. One day, he didn’t pick me up. He said he had a family emergency in Atlanta. Turns out, he was down there staying with an ex-girlfriend and hooked up with another ex during those three days. In my NEW car. Literally had sex in the backseat. And bragged to the girls it was his car."
"I'm so glad he’s gone. He also stole a bunch of my money. I finally got my car back because he rear-ended someone. And since my car was reported stolen in the system, the cops called me. But I still had to pay $175 to get my own car out of impound." —mimi777
24. "He wanted to move into an apartment downtown so he could walk to work. A month after selling my dream home, we had several friends over at the apartment pool. I went in to go to bed, and they all stayed out. He never came home. Turns out, he made out with my 'friend,' and 10 other 'friends' saw it but said nothing. He went home with her."
"After he came home, I confronted him, He admitted to it, and I immediately left him. I ditched all those toxic people, too. He was my high school sweetheart, and we had been married for 13 years. We had built a big, beautiful house together and lived there for two years before he said he wasn't happy and wanted to move to the apartment. They're now building a house together in the same place he and I had built our house.
It's all good though. After the divorce, I packed a bag and traveled the world, having never been out of the US until then. I've met a fellow traveler, and we've fallen in love and travel together now." —Christa, Facebook