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Reasons Why Los Angeles Is The Worst Place Ever

Liking LA should never be "a thing."

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I recently moved from London to Los Angeles. Despite the fact that LA is the undisputed worst place in the entire world, I've been trying super hard to like it. Mainly because I like being that guy who likes the thing everyone else hates just to annoy people (which reminds me, people I know in real life: I never really liked Skrillex or Twilight. You should've seen your faces though).

Liking LA also seems to be "a thing" lately. I've seen a bunch of articles about it, like this one by Joseph Gordon Levitt that people keep sending me. In it, he talks about how LA is superior to New York because you can sing in the car when you're stuck in traffic, and also he once saw the movie Swingers here.

Anyway, below are the main things that have been annoying me since moving to LA.


In London, the worst that can happen while you're out walking around is maybe stepping in a puddle or getting


In London, or New York, or Paris, or any other city on Earth, going out means either walking/taking public transportation to a bar or club, then maybe walking to another place after that, then taking a cab home. This becomes problematic in Los Angeles, because public transportation does not exist. And I'm pretty sure cabs don't exist, either. This means everyone drinks and drives, and I'm not sure if you've seen those ads about it on TV, but drinking and driving is really, really, really not OK. Then, you have to find somewhere to park or pay a bunch of money to valet, and then line up to get in, and then before you know it you just paid $30 to get into a "yoga rave" that's ten minutes from ending, you've forgotten where you parked and, oh shit, you got a ticket. Fun times.


Every time I think I've met a normal person, I find out they're extremely into some kind of new-age nonsense. Did you know that Mercury is in retrograde right now? Me too, and I really, really shouldn't know that.

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