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    The Ultimate David Bowie Spank Bank

    The glamor is almost too much to bear.

    So, there seems to be a bit of confusion about why David Bowie is considered such a sex god.

    But really, are you kidding with this question?

    Like, for real for real?

    It's an undeniable truth: David Bowie is a total babe, for so many reasons.

    Just look at all this stately perfection!


    Has any other known person ever looked this sharp and pulled-together? Probably not, no.

    His eyes are hypnotizing.


    How arresting can one set of baby blues be? Bowie's left pupil remains permanently open after a "punch-up" with a friend in high school, which is part of why they're so transfixing.

    To say nothing of his hair...


    Mulleted, slicked back, red, blonde, short, long – every incarnation of Bowie hair is nothing short of a blessing.

    And his miraculous cheekbones? Good lord.


    You could put an eye out with those things!

    While he can certainly look quite masculine...

    ...his femme looks are also sublime.

    And his androgynous looks are inarguably fabulous.

    Also, remember when he was an alien from the planet sex?

    As the Thin White Duke, he slayed our hearts.



    And just look how luscious in...a...beret...and a dress?


    Just kidding, this one's completely bizarre and makes me slightly uncomfortable when I look at it. Moving on!

    The real truth of the matter is this: Bowie is a STRAIGHT UP FOX, now and forever.

    He's so beautiful that it should be illegal.


    "You're under arrest, David Bowie! The charge is TOO MUCH SEXY."

    Let us never forget his perfection again.