Every Amusement Ride, From Least Scary To Scariest

Ferris wheels aren’t actually that bad because you’re usually too busy making out to notice that you’re a fasquillion feet in the air.

1. Teacups

The politest, quaintest amusement ride ever created. You’re basically pretending to be a warm beverage! Teacups are exactly zero scary.

2. Carousel

Unless you’re two years old and/or a severe equinophobe, this is one of the mildest rides around. And who doesn’t love horsey rides? *polite yawn*

3. Bumper Cars

Because what could be more fun than a mini baby car accident? Getting rear-ended when you least expect it is a TINY scare, but this is mostly gutless.

4. Tunnel of Love

Oh, lovely, let’s ride through a dark tube of shit-water on the ride people on TV get stuck in most often! (Plus, making out in front of the eerie animatronic creatures lurking within is the opposite of sexy.)

5. Ferris Wheel

Okay, so you are EXTREMELY HIGH UP IN THE AIR. But the view is usually so spectacular that it will probably override your fear of heights. Enjoy it!

6. Adult Swingset

God, that sounds filthy, but you know what I mean. This isn’t actually SCARY-scary, unless, of course, the swing somehow detaches and flies off with you in it. Maybe just don’t think about that part.

7. Gravitron

Aside from having the coolest name of all carnival rides, this baby is also the most fun. When you’re lifted up and stuck to the wall by centrifugal force, it turns out the only possible reaction is laughscreaming. A+

8. Roller Coaster

Think about the slow ticking of a roller coaster heading to its highest point and just try not to bug out a little.

9. Pirate Ship

The people who sit at the ends of these things are the people you want on your side if society ever crumbles into a lawless free-for-all, because they are FEARLESS.

10. Drop Tower

It’s all the fear of roller coasters distilled into one streamlined thing that I want nothing to do with.

11. Reverse Bungee


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