5 Things VBTV Wants To See Happen In Star Wars: The Force Awakens

Star Wars The Force Awakens hits theaters worldwide today (no spoilers in this article). We know that JJ Abrams is reading this right now, so we thought we'd give him 5 things VBTV wants to see happen and if it's not too late maybe he will add them in. Go see this film btw, I guarantee it's more important and more fulfilling than whatever you're doing at this moment. After you finish reading and sharing this article of course.

1. The Opening Scene

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A man walks towards the screen. It's Han Solo. He takes off his headphones, puts out his cigarette, gets off his motorcycle, removes his sunglasses, unties his headband, unhooks his earring, spits out his toothpick, whips off his leather jacket, pops his collar up, doesn't flinch at the explosion behind him, spits on his finger, picks his belly button, looks right into the camera and snarls "Get off my plane!". Cut to scrolling yellow Star Wars text in space and theme song.

2. The Return of....

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Jar Jar Binks. Yeah I know what you're saying, why bring back the worst movie character in history? So that he gets what he deserves. Jar Jar is found on the side of the road in Tatooine, wearing rags and holding a sign that reads "Will do weird things w/ my tongue for Republic Credits." Jar Jar is then captured by storm troopers and brought to a floating ship by the sarlacc pit (I put a picture of the sarlacc pit above in case you're a complete loser and don't know what that is). He is bound by rope and pushed onto a plank by Boba Fett. "Why yousa tryna kill Jar Jar?!" he whines. "Because yousa tried to kill a franchise." Fett replies and pushes Jar Jar in. Ramsey Bolton from GoT is next in line. Yeah I thought this out a few times.

3. This is a good idea.

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There's a Jedi who keeps coming into the frame and contribute to the protagonists efforts. It is Hayden Christensen with a mustache. Every time he is on screen the camera moves away or its cuts to the next scene.

4. We have all thought about this multiple times.

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There's a disturbance in the force. Have you felt it? Lando Calrissian is stepping down as president of Cloud City. He became known for a few things during his reign aside from being their first black president. Calrissian helped kill one of the most feared terrorists in the galaxy, he allowed same sex wookies to get married (they sound just like Chewbacca but they wear fedoras and scarfs), created hundreds of thousands of jobs in the droid department, made healthcare affordable etc... Yet with the end of his time, a new leader is near. And she means business. Cut to Hillary Clinton campaign advertisement.

5. The Final Scene

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After an epic battle there's an after party...at the Mos Eisley Cantina on Tatooine (once again it's pictured above in case you are have an IQ of 3 and don't know what that is). All of our favorite characters are sipping on some drank, sharing some laughs, doing tricks with the force, and the Cantina band is playing a great set as usual. At the center of all of this awesome celebration is JJ Abrams and everyone is praising him for the incredible job he has done. Then a man walks into the bar and everyone stops what they are doing. Jaws drop and you can hear a midi-chlorian (seriously if you don't know what that is I have no idea why you're allowed to vote) drop. It's George Lucas. He walks right up to JJ Abrams with the look of a killer in his eyes. He extends his hand, smirks and says "Don't get cocky kid." The bar erupts into cheers, cut to credits. Yeah, I know, I should direct these movies.