All The Pure And Good Things To Remind You That 2017 Isn't A Trash Heap Yet
Alright, you guys I don’t want to alarm everyone. But we are ALREADY IN THE SECOND MONTH OF 2017 (why am I yelling?) and it feels like only yesterday we were stuck in the sewerage pipe that was 2016. Well, Technically, it was only 34 days ago but who’s counting?........ Anyway, 2017 so far has been, um, interesting – mainly due to the current political landscape and controversial policies made by A̶m̶e̶r̶i̶c̶a̶n̶ ̶H̶i̶t̶l̶e̶r̶ President Donald Trump, and even in Australia, we are dealing with the uncertainty floating around because of it........................... Fear, not fam! Because I’m the gift that keeps on giving I’ve put together a post to take our minds off politics and to remind y’all that there’s still good and pure in the world, even if the zombie apocalypse feels more favourable right now (i could totally pull off zombie sheik, just saying).....................2017 hasn’t been all bad I promise. These are the baller things that have happened so far.
• The story of Ray the lonely SA fisherman who found fisherman friends, oh my! It started with a gumtree add from a lonely widowed elderly man looking for a new friend for fishing adventures. His story broke the hearts of our nation and I needed someone to hold me because it was all too much. Ray got plenty of offers and the latest update is he’s going on all expensive paid trip to Moreton Island with his grandson. It’s the story of true blue Australian mateship we all needed right now to warm our cold black hearts.
Married at First Sight returned this week and thank the reality tv gods because it’s been wild from start to finish. The picky stripper who specifically requested someone with small ear lobes, the entrepreneur who needs you to know he’s an entrepreneur, enterpreneauring and stuff. And the crazy ex’s twin causing havoc at a wedding and having the whole wedding party shook. I’m literally dying. I ship this so hard, it's made my life.
Ohmybeehive sweet baby Jesus.. I can’t. The real queen of the world and everybody's imaginary one true pairing, (or OPT which is what the cool kids are calling it) Beyonce has just announced she is pregnant with twins! If we needed a sign from God the world is gonna survive this New America then this is it. Name a more iconic duo than those twins in her belly, I'll wait….
The Queensland Teacher, who is far too good and wonderful for this world, who put together this welcome pack to her primary school children. Ok she may not of wrote it herself, but who cares because if I was taught this I might be CEO of a world-famous pizza chain right now (because pizza is lyf amirite?), instead of a lonely single over thirty who drinks with a writing problem and who’s hobbies include recreating the lion king circle of life with my dogs and googling images of hamsters wearing hats.
The salt bae meme and the guy who got it tattooed on him…Let me refresh your memory. The salt bae meme was inspired by Turskish Chef Nusret Gökçe, who was so extra sprinkling salt onto meat in the sassiest way possible it got people all hot and bothered under the collar. Because the internet is the scary and weird place it is it is now everywhere and it’s amazing. Oh and some guy got it tattooed on him, because, well because. Update. He’s just salt bae’d for my future husband, ( that whole AVO against me is just a misunderstanding) Leonardo DiCaprio. A meme made that happen. What a time to be alive!
Winona Ryders Emotional facial journey at the SAG awards was simply magical on so many levels. What was she thinking? What was happening? Was she on acid? We may never know, but her facial expressions, dancing to the beat of its own drum, was the true MVP of the SAGs. On behalf of all of the world, we thank you.
The tale of true love eighteen years on. Ell and Paul Van der Toorren met while singing at Uluru as part of the iconic Qantas advertisement, ‘I Still Call Australia Home’ when they were 9 years old. They lost touch, but because they were meant to be so bad that a pack of wild drop bears, sharknado really happening and the end of the world couldn’t keep them apart they got back in touch and are now married. He even proposed at Uluru. I’m not crying, you’re crying. On that note if any of my primary school boyfriends are single and still have all your teeth, hit me up.
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