The Top 8 Reasons You Are Still Single

There is nothing wrong with being single, but you could be forever... here is why.

by Kali Rotolo

I sit at a small table next to the window, book in one hand tea in the other, and contemplate my surroundings. As I try to read I notice a common trend. Lowering my book a little to peer over the top at the line forming in front of the bagel shop, I realize what I've been witnessing. It is the time of year right after all the major gift giving holidays when the weather gets warm, the bathing suits come out, and a massive number of people begin coupling. There is nothing more beautiful then love, but when you are single you start to really feel lonely. It is in moments like these, simple moments, in a sea of people, that I feel the most alone. It's not a bad thing, don't think I hate being on my own, but sometimes you really miss being close to someone. Glerb! It is feelings such as these that make me embarrassed to be a female. But, as I was saying, it just seems at times that everyone has their person. I mean there are some times when I'm just like, "Daaaumn, All I need is a knitted blanket and a hoard of cats and I'd unequivocally be the definition of single." And I know there are other college girls out there that feel like they are a crochet needle and a hand knitted tea cozy away from being forever alone. Back in the 80s a talented spunky, colorfully dressed pop star told the world, "love is a battlefield". Well, I thought over my options and decided that instead of shooting myself in the foot and being medevac'd from the battle zone, I was going to find out the reason (If there is one) that I am still a party of one.

Here are eight reasons you might be single.

1. "I am unworthy" Disorder

Let me just say, you are not the dirt that men walk on. You are better then that. Stand up straight and strut your stuff. If you hang your head low enough you will in fact become the grime beneath his feet. I mean he's cute and all but don't be his pedestal. Don't put him higher then he belongs. Make eye contact and smile damn it. You're awesome! He should lift you up not bring you down. Just accept it and move on.

2. The "I need you, I need you" Complex

Stop! Just, Stop. Calm down, take a couple deep breaths, and back away from your man. If you want to keep him, get out of his ass. That is not comfortable for anyone involved. The more you call, text, leave weird voicemails, climb on him like a monkey, expect him to do your bidding, tell him you just cant stop looking at his face because you want it to be perfect in your dreams, ask him for fancy things, um, I lost my train of thought, oh ya, the more things you do to him the less he will like you. That's not attractive. Be your own person!

3. If He's not Prince Charming, He's not for me

You are too picky. The perfect prince charming, man candy, hunk of loveliness wrapped around a sweet caring center does not exist. Disney lied. I'm sorry. You're standards are too high. Stop being unrealistic and discriminatory. Give the sweet nerdy guy a chance. When he takes off his glasses and puts on a button up over his Star Wars shirt he's actually pretty cute. ...well...you never know until you try.

4. Trying to Catch the Bandwagon

All of your friends are in happy sing-song relationships that make you want to sing along and throw up at the same time and you are, due to this new musical form of the flu, painfully aware that you might just be the last person on the face of the earth without a boyfriend. Oh No, there go your friends, riding two by two in the back of the wagon...still singing. And there you go, running along side it, trying desperately to catch up. True Story.

5. Horrible Break-Up Syndrome

You just came out of a relationship that felt like a grizzly bear clawed your heart out, eat it, digested and excreted it on your front porch. We've all been there. It sucks worse then that midget rodeo, but you bought the tickets, so you must now sit next to the large drunk gentleman that bought seats next to you and laugh at his horrible demeaning jokes. Eventually the pain will stop, your tears will dry and the little people will go home to their families. It will all be over and everyone will be able to happily forget about the whole thing. And I don't want to hear any of that, but it would have been better if (enter ex-boyfriends name here) was there like he was suppose to be. He loved midget rodeos. You hate midget rodeos! You are more important! Move on!!

6. Irrational "History Repeats Itself" Fear

Do not say "oh, I messed up the last relationship so I'm bound to mess this one up too". No self sabotage! Every single relationship is different and if you think that everything in the last relationship was your fault, you are going to think your way into ruining this one. If you like your new guy then prove it. Don't tell him how horrible your last relationship was. Don't even reference your old relationship. Use new to your advantage and forget about the old.

7. Broing too far

You are just too cool. Girls are cute and sweet and sometimes manage to relate to something a guy likes and then over time reveals that she likes some guy things. But this is not you. You put it all out there and from a very early point in your relationship you are hardcore friend zoned. You are officially a bro. You hang out with the guys talking about the best action movies, outdoorsiness, sports, and video games. If you know the names of all the original 150 Pokémon and reference Frodo's cum face in conversation, or if you argue that the original three Star Wars movies are better then the new ones and can keep up in sports conversations, Ooo and if you aren't offended by dude speak, you are a bro. It's especially hard being a bro because none of your guy friends think of you as a girl and all new guys you meet in the presence of your dudes realize your level of brodom and immediately catalogue you into the "unavailable due to extreme bro status" folder. It is near impossible to escape the bro circle which definitely contributes to your single relationship status.

8. Bad Timing or No Time at All

You know that you are awesome. You have the whole package thing going on and you still cant find your other half. You aren't even really looking, it just so happens that he hasn't presented himself to you. There are three ways this can go. Scenario 1: you haven't met a guy because you are in fact the type of girl that is smart, pretty, and talented making you the marrying type and boys are not looking for that in a girl at this point in their lives. Scenario 2: You have met a guy that likes you but for some reason you guys can't make it work. It could be distance, or schedules, or it could be one of those "I've always loved you but you told me too late and I'm in a relationship with someone else" situations. Scenario 3: You don't even realize that you give off the "I'm taken" vibe. You don't give boys the time of day and its not because you don't want to, you are just oblivious. You are almost too comfortable by yourself and therefore turn guys away without even knowing it.

I fall under way too many of these categories for it to be ok. But, knowing is half the battle, right?