Definitive Proof That DJ Khaled Is The Worst Person Ever

Fail at what, DJ Khaled? You don't do anything.

Like a bad smell, DJ Khaled is both everywhere and nowhere

What does he do?

Apparently he's a music producer

I tried aggressively shouting my name at poorly timed intervals over popular songs and no one called me a producer tho

He's the real deal and knows how to deal with fake assholes like the Billboard Music Awards

And order only Dominos #noimposters

It appears that the key to his success is hanging out with teenagers in houses

Maybe he's someone's drunk uncle who just won some money on a dog fight

And in marinas

There he is!

Only a drunk uncle would wear a shirt as grotesque as this

My drunk uncle dropped a similar one on holiday in 1998

Somehow he has a lot of money tho

Yelling your own name while Chris Brown sings about banging bitches is big business

For some reason, brands want to associate themselves with this curiously pointless man

Really want a Four Loko right now

And some of this flavoured fizzy wine you can buy for £4

Aspirational

Dunno about you, but I'm sold on Belaire 'champagne'

It seems that Khaled is trying to eject himself into the stratosphere with this unnecessarily large bottle. Let's hope he succeeds

He made a 12-minute movie in which he showers himself with sparkling rose and explains why he doesn't need any new friends

Vice summed up the video nicely: -

People DJ Khaled can trust:

—Nobody

—No one

Inanimate objects DJ Khaled cannot trust:

—The car

—Social media

—Networks

—Twitter

—All that shit

Maybe women pay him to spray them with champagne

Corr look at their faces! I'd pay for that privilege

DJ Khaled and a pool of cheap fizzy wine is my ideal day out

'Bathing in your own filth'

DJ Khaled makes headphones

Honestly you wouldn't know from his videos tho

Oh there they are

And again

He's always got a pair

"Best headphones in the game"

Give up mate

Not even his mates want them

"Nah fuck off Uncle Khaled"

Not even the people watching his videos know what he does

Don't worry tho he works out

Wonder where I can get me some of those headphones

He likes to talk about working hard while posing with his furniture

#hardwork = #uglychandelier

DJ Khaled blew too much on big bottles of carbonated wine and now has to make his posters on Paint

Terrifying

He's really nailed the 'angry kid at a petting zoo' look

What a lucky gal!

Don't worry, he knows how to talk to women tho

youtube.com

"What's my name baby?" x 8

And if you remember his name he'll buy you a house

And your momma a house

And your whole family houses

That's an incentive if I ever heard one!

And he'll give you some headphones!!!!

Fuck sake

He just got this shit down

#SUFFERINGFROMSUCCESS

What DJ Khaled does is still steeped in endless mystery

Which surprises him, apparently.

"People still don't know?", he demanded during an interview with Complex Magazine. "I'm a real boss."

I know, DJ Khaled. Let's just stick with 'Worst Person in the World'. Settled.