Portlandia Baristas Write A Coffee Shop Manifesto

The baristas of Portland were fed up and held a secret, underground meeting to develop a coffee shop manifesto.

1. Cell phones are not to be used or the coffee will be abused.
2. Unattended children will be given an espresso and a puppy.
3. Know what you want before approaching the counter, no questions should be asked.
4. The coffee is never too hot. You spilled, get over it.
5. Whipped cream is for kids. Foam is for adults.
6. Take your headphones off when ordering.
7. Don’t ask me what’s playing right now. We are a coffee shop, not a record store.
8. Do not ask me what’s good. It’s all good.
9. It’s espresso, not expresso.
10. I don’t know what the WiFi password is. Don’t ask.
11. Open your mouth! Also shut up! Get out!
12. [unclear]
13. Bus your own table. We are not a restaurant.
14. This is not a hangout shut your mouth.
15. [unclear]

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