Here's What "The Bachelorette" Contestants Look Like
You can't tell us that Jordan Rodgers doesn't look like asparagus.
Robbie Hayes = Aggressively Manscaped Ken Doll
A little too slick, and A LOT too hair-sprayed.
Daniel Maguire = A weiner
He looks like a weenie and he is a weenie.
Derek Peth = John Krasinski
I mean, from day one. Self-explanatory. Derek easily could've found love with Pam Beesly.
Christian Bishop = Oscar from Shark Tales
THIS IS UNCANNY.
Christian Bishop = A quokka
He's smiley, likable, and joyful..but not necessarily the star of the frat house (or animal kingdom).
James Taylor = Will Haduch
Robby should've shared with Will early on that if you grow a beard, Jojo keeps you longer — AMIRITE?!
Will Haduch = Charlie Bucket
Sadly, Will did not get a Golden Ticket. See what I did there?!
Luke Pell = Charlie Sheen
Honestly, we like Luke. But you can't deny that look. It's just a liiiittle bit too...passionate.
Coley Knust = Paul Dano
Luckily for Coley, who no one knows, his doppelgänger is famous enough for the both of them.
Chase McNary = An Alpaca
It's adorable, but you can see in it's beady little eyes that it wants to kill Derek during the 2-on-1.
Grant Kemp = The Crimson Chin
OK, so we know that he's also been compared to "Handsome Squidward," but Grant also bears a striking resemblance to this strong-chinned superhero. He also wears red and Grant's a firefighter.
Evan Bass = Bruce from Family Guy
LOL, that 'stache tho'. Gotta say, Bruce's outfit is a vast improvement to Evan's ripped shirt.
Alex Woytkiw = Lord Farquaad
Both have a bizarre Napoleon Complex and, TBH, we pity both of them.
Alex Woytkiw = An Oompa Loompa
We didn't know Alex actually had a triplet!!
Alex Woytkiw = A Weasel
This is the last Alex one, we promise...but he is SUCH a rodent.
Jordan Rodgers = Veggie Tales Asparagus
IT'S JUST A MIRROR IMAGE.
Jordan Rodgers = A Fancy Veggie Tales Asparagus
Because, you know, he's gotta get dressed up for the rose ceremony.
Vincent Ventiera = Vinny Guadagnino
Is it a rule that all guys named Vinny are required to have a peculiar square haircut?
Chad Johnson = Bruce The Shark
Chad needs a reminder that Bachelors may not be friends, but they CERTAINLY aren't food.