9 Ways To Know You're A French Bulldog Owner

Frenchie's can have fickle digestive systems. So do humans, but a lot of times it doesn't stop us from having a three way with gluten and dairy multiple times a day. In the case of our pig dogs, however, we will SCOUR the internet for ways to help their itching or alleviate their mega farts.

Ok, so maybe you do. But when your Frenchy farts it's hilarious and you can't stay mad at that shocked and confused face for long. MINE LITERALLY JUST FARTED ON MY LAP AS I WAS WRITING THIS. If you're lucky you've figured out it's diet enough that it wont smell too bad, but even then I almost feel proud. It's like a high school kid winning a burping contest.

Burps are funny too. Except around 30% of Frenchie burps mean they just puked in their mouths a little bit. Most of time they just make comically loud licking sounds because they don't understand how food just suddenly appeared in their mouths, but sometimes you need to clean up. And they hate having their face cleaned.

What are you, a fucking dog racist? Get your shit together. Ok, so maybe there are SOME similarities... They're all small, short snouted and big eared. However, there are some very distinct features that separate the three. And even then, some people feel the need to insist that your dog MUST not be 100% or must have A LITTLE Boston in there. Ya know what? Some Frenchies are a little bit leaner! Some Bostons are stockier! STOP IMPOSING YOUR BODY IMAGE ISSUES ON MY DOG.

Or any bulldog breed for that matter. Although Frenchies hold the special place in your heart, you've become downright stalkerish when it comes to any short nosed, snorting, bully type dog. The only thing you can think about is squeezing it's face and seeing what noises come out. If your dog is there, you desperately want them to become BDFF (best dog friends forever). If it isn't, then you instantly longing for it's gassy affection. If you become acquainted with said pooch, you will likely remember it's name for years. WARNING: Puppies will give you an adorable heart attack and you might shit your pants.

Let's face it. We love that people love our dogs. It fills us with pride because WE love our dogs and it's delightful to see other people fill with that joy too... Unless we have somewhere to be. At some point people decided they no longer needed to ask your permission to pet your dog, care what it is your doing or where you're going, or even making eye contact or acknowledging you're alive. This gets old fast. I'm sure it's something that all dog owners have to deal with, but Frenchies tend to be very clownish and attract a TON of attention. Always ask permission to pet a dog people. For safety reasons, but also so you don't annoy me.

Or is it Frenchy? They all work on Google... Everyone seems to spell it differently, but I think twice every damn time I type it. Might be best to just stay classy and stick with French Bulldog.

Or maybe they don't. I know I'm no Yogi. BUT LOOK AT THIS. THAT'S WHERE UPWARD FACING DOG COMES FROM. Whenever I see my dog wake up from a nap and do downward and upward dog, I think to myself, "Namaste, little buddy. Namaste."

I know all dogs do this, I sincerely just wanted to post this picture.

Some people kid themselves and think they might want to get a big dog once they "get more space" or something "a little bit more manageable" than these super allergic fart boxes, but the truth of the matter is you're already hooked. You don't have a choice people. We're all sick in the head. If you managed to get to the point where you got a French Bulldog in the first place, you're already knee deep in the Frenchie loony bin. Get comfortable because you won't be leaving any time soon.

Also my dog literally just farted on me again. *high five*