25 Things That Will Definitely Happen In The General Election Campaign

Will there be a serious, detailed discussion of important policy issues? Hahahaha, LOL, nope.

1. While out canvassing, a senior politician will be photographed standing next to a sign in such a way that it looks like it says something rude.

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2. A tabloid newspaper will photoshop Ed Miliband’s face on to a vegetable of some kind.

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3. Sales of hard hats will go through the roof.

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4. An actor used in a party political broadcast will turn out to support a different party.

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5. A campaign battlebus will park in a disabled space and everyone will flip out.

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6. A UKIP candidate will say something ridiculous and be forced to resign.

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7. A member of the public will make a rude gesture behind a politician.

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8. It will then become front-page news.

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9. The member of the public will become a minor celebrity overnight.

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10. Someone will start a Twitter “parody account” for the person who made the gesture. It will quickly run out of jokes.

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11. But then it’ll turn out that the member of the public has some skeletons in their closet, which quickly get found out and published to the whole world.

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12. In the face of all the media attention, the member of the public will eventually lose it and punch a photographer.

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13. A UKIP candidate will say something ridiculous and be forced to resign.

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14. A senior politician, not realising there’s a microphone on, will be recorded insulting an angry member of the public.

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15. The BBC will be accused of being too right-wing.

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16. The BBC will be accused of being too left-wing.

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17. A UKIP candidate will say something ridiculous and be forced to resign.

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18. There will be endless thinkpieces about how this is the “first social media election”, even though everyone said that last time.

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19. There will be so many terrible, terrible hashtags promoted by all the main parties.

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Nigel Farage/Tom Phillips/BuzzFeed
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20. And activist hashtags filled with dubious statistics will be all over the internet.

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21. Of course, there’ll still be leaflets with dubious statistics as well.

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22. A senior politician will visit a school, will be asked to do simple maths on the spot, and will fail.

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23. Somehow, you just know Russell Brand will be everywhere.

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24. EVERYWHERE.

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25. And then a UKIP candidate will say something ridiculous and be forced to resign.

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Tom Phillips is the UK editorial director for BuzzFeed and is based in London.
 
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