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25 Things That Will Definitely Happen In The General Election Campaign

Will there be a serious, detailed discussion of important policy issues? Hahahaha, LOL, nope.

1. While out canvassing, a senior politician will be photographed standing next to a sign in such a way that it looks like it says something rude.

2. A tabloid newspaper will photoshop Ed Miliband’s face on to a vegetable of some kind.

3. Sales of hard hats will go through the roof.

4. An actor used in a party political broadcast will turn out to support a different party.

5. A campaign battlebus will park in a disabled space and everyone will flip out.

6. A UKIP candidate will say something ridiculous and be forced to resign.

7. A member of the public will make a rude gesture behind a politician.

8. It will then become front-page news.

9. The member of the public will become a minor celebrity overnight.

10. Someone will start a Twitter "parody account" for the person who made the gesture. It will quickly run out of jokes.

11. But then it'll turn out that the member of the public has some skeletons in their closet, which quickly get found out and published to the whole world.

12. In the face of all the media attention, the member of the public will eventually lose it and punch a photographer.

13. A UKIP candidate will say something ridiculous and be forced to resign.

14. A senior politician, not realising there's a microphone on, will be recorded insulting an angry member of the public.

15. The BBC will be accused of being too right-wing.

16. The BBC will be accused of being too left-wing.

17. A UKIP candidate will say something ridiculous and be forced to resign.

18. There will be endless thinkpieces about how this is the "first social media election", even though everyone said that last time.

19. There will be so many terrible, terrible hashtags promoted by all the main parties.

20. And activist hashtags filled with dubious statistics will be all over the internet.

21. Of course, there'll still be leaflets with dubious statistics as well.

22. A senior politician will visit a school, will be asked to do simple maths on the spot, and will fail.

23. Somehow, you just know Russell Brand will be everywhere.

24. EVERYWHERE.

25. And then a UKIP candidate will say something ridiculous and be forced to resign.