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The Best Of The Amazing "Penis Beaker" Debate

Edited highlights from the possibly greatest thread in Mumsnet history. NSFW, especially if you work in a beaker factory.

Posted on

So a Mumsnet poster asked this question:

The immediate reaction was... puzzled.

The phrase "spermy beaker" is introduced to the discussion.

Then the concept of putting the spermy beaker in the dishwasher.

Then the phrase "plunges his knob into a bucket".

"Sex towel"

...because you like having sex on the washing machine?

...because you like having sex on the washing machine?

It is suggested that pets may molest the spermy beaker.

The pressing issue of the sink washing/sex wee bathroom clash is discussed.

Beaker-as-seduction-aid.

We slightly want a t-shirt with "FILL UP THE PENIS BEAKER" on it.
mumsnet.com

We slightly want a t-shirt with "FILL UP THE PENIS BEAKER" on it.

The t-shirt would have "Get your penis beaker, you've pulled" on the back.
mumsnet.com

The t-shirt would have "Get your penis beaker, you've pulled" on the back.

The question of liquid receptacle as penis-measuring tool is batted about a bit.

The original poster returns to clarify a few issues.

"Yeah, make yourself at home, help yourself to a drink if you're thirs- NO NOT THAT CUP."
mumsnet.com

"Yeah, make yourself at home, help yourself to a drink if you're thirs- NO NOT THAT CUP."

People start doing SCIENCE.

Some people have classy post-sex clean-up regimes.

Finally, news filters through that the original poster is not alone.

It's not a great help to her, though.
mumsnet.com

It's not a great help to her, though.

Brief digression into the sexual use of popping candy:

You learn something new every day.
mumsnet.com

You learn something new every day.

Twitter has now started weighing in on the issue.

"If this penis beaker's a sloshin' my cock's bein' a washin'!" <- idea for a #penisbeaker slogan.

Martin Wefail

@wefail

"If this penis beaker's a sloshin' my cock's bein' a washin'!" <- idea for a #penisbeaker slogan.

/ Via

What about a nice bottle of Jif instead? Something with a spray nozzle? #penisbeaker

harrietreuterhapgö཭

@hapgoodness

What about a nice bottle of Jif instead? Something with a spray nozzle? #penisbeaker

/ Via

Usually just a quick wipe on the curtains #PenisBeaker

P.S.Burton

@PSBurton

Usually just a quick wipe on the curtains #PenisBeaker

/ Via

Joking aside, this cut glass #penisbeaker has been in my family since 1706. Note the ornamental flies...

P.S.Burton

@PSBurton

Joking aside, this cut glass #penisbeaker has been in my family since 1706. Note the ornamental flies...

/ Via

And in the end, the thread brought comfort to many people.

Well done, Sex Beaker.