3. SHARK IS COMING!
So over the past few days, there have been media reports that a DEADLY GREAT WHITE SHARK is just TWO DAYS or possibly THREE DAYS away from the coast of Britain. The shark’s name, terrifyingly, is Lydia.
But is there any reason to believe that Lydia is heading to feast on the unwary surfers of Cornwall?
8. Actually, if you look at what Lydia’s been doing this past week, you can see that she’s been pretty precisely swimming up the Mid-Atlantic Ridge.
The Mid-Atlantic Ridge does not lead to the shores of Britain. It leads to Iceland. (The shark probably isn’t going there either.)
10. Also, even if Lydia did turn and head straight for the UK, was she ever likely to reach us within two or three days?
380 miles in 72 hours = 1,000 miles in the next 72 hours. Okay.
Of course, Lydia might still take a turn towards Britain - we’ve had great whites in British waters before, and the species are known for their ability to travel great distances. But there’s no more reason to think she’s heading in this direction than any other. (We will update this article if Lydia starts heading in our direction, so make sure to check back regularly for further Lydia news.)
This has been your shark update. Please return to your business.
16. Update — Jun. 09, 5:19 p.m. GMT: It’s been several months since we checked in with Lydia. So… did she ever head for the UK?
HOLY SHIT LOOK OUT FLORIDA.