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16 Deeply Irritating Struggles Every London Cyclist Will Know

"Sorry mate, I didn't see you."

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1. The dodging and weaving at Elephant & Castle roundabout.

20th Century Fox / YouTube / Via

(Artist's impression.)

2. The amazingly well-thought-out cycle lanes.

A town planner somewhere actually drew this on a map. "I think 36 inches of cycle lane here will really free up traffic. Make sure it goes straight into a pole, for safety."

3. The lovely, sensible cycle lanes.

Cycle route, UK-style. I'd say this has been well and truly cycle-proofed:

"In BMX Bandits they were always cycling up and down stairs."

4. Or rather, the cycle lanes-slash-obstacle courses.

Here's the dreadful addition to @lambeth_council bike route 3 at 6:15 this morning. Imagine this at rush hour. Mad

5. The people who haven't quite worked out what those cycle lanes are for.

Not sure if I should be thankful for the notice or... #cyclepathway #cycling #londoncycling #northlondon

Guys, you can tell they're not pavement, you see, because they're a different colour.

6. The polite fellow road users. / Via

No, actually I'm allowed to cycle more than an inch from the kerb, but thank you for your input, angry man.

7. The idiots who sit in those boxes for cyclists by traffic lights.

Police failure to stop at cycle box . One rule for us on for them .

It's illegal, guys.

8. No, really. Get out of the cycle stop box. It's dangerous.

Classic danger. The left-turning tipper truck that sits in the cycle box. #LondonCycling

People die this way.

9. The guy in a suit wobbling along on a Boris bike looking like he's never cycled before in his life.

Guy-in-a-suit-wobbling-along-on-a-Boris-bike is played here by an actor.
Stefan Rousseau / PA

Guy-in-a-suit-wobbling-along-on-a-Boris-bike is played here by an actor.

10. Guys like this giving the rest of us a bad name.

"@theJeremyVine: Seven law-abiding cyclists alongside me at this red light. One tosser. #LondonCycling "

11. But most of all, the drivers. / Via

12. The drivers hurtling through red lights at speed.

YouTube / CycleGaz / Via

Sure, you complain about cyclists on a 5kg bike doing this at 12mph, but not about half-ton lumps of metal at 35mph.

13. The feeling that for some reason they can never see you. / Via

"I've got a fucking dayglo top on. I am literally high visibility."

14. Seriously. Get your eyes checked, motorists of Britain.

There is a thing called "inattentional blindness": essentially, car drivers are looking out for other cars, and so they literally don't see motorcyclists and cyclists even when they're looking at them. This is why the more cyclists there are on the roads, the safer cycling gets.

15. Stop saying "sorry mate, I didn't see you."

iuckcan / YouTube / Via

If you haven't had at least one "SMIDSY", you haven't been cycling in London very long.

16. But every cyclist knows it's all worth it for the sweet, sweet feeling of smugness when you glide past a line of stationary traffic on a hot day.

Malta Cycle Camera / YouTube / Via

(And, of course, the increased life expectancy, improved fitness and happiness, better knowledge of London, and all the other things. But mainly the smugness.)