Top 10 Crazy Things You Can Buy From Hammacher Schlemmer

The Hammacher Schlemmer catalog is like the Lillian Vernon catalog for the 1%. It’s full of weird, expensive junk that makes it easy for anyone to show that they have a couple million bucks to throw away.

10. This Hair Regrowing Thingy

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The Hands Free Hair Rejuvenator. It uses “pulsed light energy” to increase “cellular activity within hair follicles” Comes with headphones so you can’t hear the suffering in the world while you try to regrow your hair. $699.95

9. Giant Scrabble

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The $12,000 you’ll spend hoping to improve junior’s spelling skills won’t work, because he won’t be able to reach it.

8. Zoltar!

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Buy Zoltar for $9000 and he’ll see poverty in your future.

7. A Light Cycle

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Batman won’t have nothing on you, only $55,000.

6. Life Sized Robby the Robot

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A seven foot tall fully animatronic replica of Robby the Robot. A steal at $49,999.95.

5. A Flying Car

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Designed by some nerds at MIT, and as the catalog listing says it’s “indispensable for easy day trips from Long Island to Martha’s Vineyard”. $350,000 The future is here, but only if you can afford it.

4. Killer Whale Submarine

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A little two person submarine shaped like a whale. A snip at $100,000.

3. Another Submarine

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If that whale submarine just wasn’t expensive enough for you, this one is a personal one seater equipped to give you 6 hours of “undersea adventures”. $2,000,000

2. PT-728

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You heard me! A 66 year old WWII torpedo boat only $1,000,000. Torpedoes not included, what a rip off!!

1. A Mother F@#king Triceratops!

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A 20 foot long working model of a triceratops that moves, makes noise with “lifelike reactions”! $350,000 Bling!

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