How to Protect Your Home From a Zombie Invasion

If the slew of recent TV shows, movies, and books are any indication, zombies are everywhere these days. So whether they're fast, slow, or riddled with rigor mortis, here's a few ways to keep the undead out of your house. But three tips won't be nearly enough to stop the undead masses, so check out the rest of our zombie-proof strategies at thisoldhouse.com

• 1. Install Doors of the Dead

  

  When dealing with old-school, Night of the Living Dead-type zombies (also known as "Romero zombies," after that 1968 film's director) keep in mind that--since rapid muscle deterioration is par for the postmortem course--these guys have less muscular strength than Keith Richards on a bad day. One of the simplest ways to combat them is to retrofit your house with stainless-steel doors. Affordable and impenetrable, steel doors can be a living-dead dude's worst enemy. Best of all, any dents or dings caused by your heathen invaders can be pulled and puttied with an auto-body repair kit. For added security, forgo sidelights or transoms and install triple-point locks. Zombies friggin' hate triple-point locks.

• 2. Make Sure Windows Are Also Walking-Dead-Proof

  

  While the Winchester Pub seemed like the perfect safe house in 2004's Shaun of the Dead, it didn't take more than a few broken windows to cause one buzz kill of a safety breach. Houses with tempered-glass windows rated for hurricane zones, or wrought-iron security bars, will be far better off than those with unguarded single-pane windows. Either way it's never a bad idea to reinforce windows with plywood for maximum zombie protection.

• 3. Remember: Good Fences=Good Zombie Neighbors

  

  Along with Pittsburgh's three rivers, the only thing that protected the living from the undead in George Romero's 2005 film Land of the Dead was a giant electric fence. Well, if it's good enough for the Iron City, it's good enough for your house, too. If you can't afford an electric fence, consider building a tough, tall chain-link, wrought-iron, or cinderblock version (at least eight to twelve feet high) around your property. The local zoning board might take offence, but, seriously, man; this is a zombie invasion. Who cares about zoning? See even more zombie-proofing tips at thisoldhouse.com