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All The Things That Happen When You Go Out On St. Patrick's Day

And there's nothing you can do about it.

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It’s St. Patrick’s Day!

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The day on which “everyone is Irish.”

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And in America, by “Irish” we mean “shitballs drunk.”

You will stand in ridiculous lines to get into some crappy bar.

And getting a drink will require some form of sorcery.

The sight of green beer will make you urp a little...

...but you’ll drink it anyway.

A lot of it.

Men will wear offensive T-shirts.

Women will accessorize like five-year-old girls.

And someone who’s not wearing green will claim that their underwear is.

...And offer to show it to you.

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Some fool will try to recreate the Riverdance.

And fail.

You will definitely run into this guy...

And he will pinch your butt.

Someone will tell you they are 1/16th Irish.

...And recount other Celtic fables.

There is a 100% chance you will encounter vomit.

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With a 60% chance it will wind up on you.

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And it's freakin' green.

And a 40% chance it will be your own.

No one will want to be the designated driver...

...so you'll have to call in your last resort.

By the end of the night, this WILL be you.

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You'll swear you will NEVER do this again.

That is, until...

CINCO DE MAYO!

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Be safe, and have a happy St. Patrick's Day!

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