First of all, put away your machete. It’s seriously not that kind of hack.
Machetes are cool, though…
Instead of buying pimple cream, try putting toothpaste on your blemishes! Toothpaste can act like a mask, drawing impurities out of the skin, which reduces the size of a pimple. It also makes your face taste minty fresh! Just like Regina George’s face.
Use strawberries to whiten your teeth! Did you know these magical little fruits contain malic acid? Don’t worry, it’s not the kind of acid that melts your face like that scene from Raiders of The Lost Ark , but the kind that removes discolorations from your teeth! To heighten the effect, combine a crushed berry with half a teaspoon of baking soda and leave on your teeth for five minutes.
Seriously though…not that kind of acid.
8. Did you know that you can make a (delicious) face mask with ingredients from your refrigerator?
All you need is yogurt, honey, and oatmeal!
Yogurt has mild astringent and bleaching effects.
Oatmeal acts as a natural exfoliant. It’s hypoallergenic and an emollient, too. Oatmeal also soothes and decreases itching in conditions like eczema, skin rashes, hives and insect bites.
Honey absorbs and retains moisture in your skin. The darker the honey, the stronger its antioxidant effects.
Just keep an eye out for bees, though.
NOT THE BEES. NOT THE BEES! MY EYES! MY EYES!
15. Now that your face (and everything attached to it) is clean and pretty, you can go out on the town and do whatever you’d like!
Dress up in a bear suit.
Or take more pictures of you and your awesome machete.
God damn that’s a fine looking machete…
- Milo Yiannopoulos's book has been canceled after he was accused of defending pedophilia.