9 Things You Experience As A Parent Advocate

For many parents, navigating the world of 'special needs' (having a need for allowances in school beyond those of their 'neurotypical' peers) can be an intimidating maze of acronyms, numbers, and appointments...oh, the appointments. Here are a few things you can expect...things 'they' (who are 'they', anyways?) don't tell you.

1. Acronyms. Lots of acronyms.

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A B C D E...F all these letters, seriously.

2. A vicious cycle of hope, disappointment, and anger.

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This is completely normal and (sadly) pretty much par for the course.

3. One step forward...twenty steps back.

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Oh, I need to have the doctor sign off on XYZ so I can get ABC? Fine, District. I'm on it.

Oh...I need to have the school sign off on ABC so I can get XYZ? *facepalm*

Bureaucracy is a parent advocate's worst nightmare. Be prepared for lots and lots of stagnation.

4. Paperwork.

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Didn't I fill out these forms like, 27 times already? The ocean of paperwork will make acronyms seem like a water bottle in comparison. Redundancy is the status quo. When you fill out a form, make a dozen copies of it.

You think I'm kidding?

5. Unsolicited advice that hurts more than it helps.

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Thank you, oh so much, for telling me that I need to beat some attention and focus into my kid. You can't beat a kid into 'normal'...it usually causes the opposite. Thanks for telling me to shut up, medicate my child, and go away. Thanks for telling me that it's my fault. Just...thanks. Jerk.

*Note: Obviously, I don't condone beating a child. Especially for something they genuinely can't help. Did your mother beat you for having a wonky earlobe? No? Stfu then.

6. Misconceptions.

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ADHD does not automatically mean a child can't focus on *anything*. It usually means that too many things are demanding attention, and their brain doesn't have the ability to assign importance to any one thing in particular.

Autism does not automatically mean that a child is always antisocial. There are varying degrees of severity in autism, from high-functioning (you can't even tell they're autistic) to low-functioning (you can obviously tell), and everything in between. That's why it's called a spectrum. Antisocial tendencies by themselves are not always indicative of autism.

7. A mountain-sized dose of doubt.

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Am I being irresponsible by refusing to medicate my child while I'm battling the school/doctor/etc? Am I horrible for not wanting medication for my child until all other options have been exhausted? Should I just medicate my kid and go away?

No, no, and no. I wanted to give up, many times. I often thought that maybe I should just medicate and go away. But I was very lucky in that I have a wonderful team of cheerleaders, who encouraged me to stand my ground.

8. Research, and a crapload of reading.

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Truth is, no one can give you all the answers (not even me). They can give you advice, tips, and resources. No matter how you look at it, you're going to need to do a lot of reading. Every child is different and you are the one who knows your child best. Fire up the Keurig...it's going to be a long night.

9. Triumph...victory...success.

It may feel never-ending...but eventually, you will achieve whatever goals you may have set for yourself and for your child. When it comes, it is a relief, and while it is bittersweet (Because really, who actually *wants* their child to even need those services in the first place? Not me.), savor it. Celebrate it. You went to bat for your kid and finally made it to home plate. Have some wine.

April is Autism Awareness Month. While I do not have an autistic child, I have dear friends who do. I do have two children who have needed my advocacy, and it is from that experience that I have written this.