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21 Reasons You Should Never Visit Cyprus

That idyllic Mediterranean island with the sandy beaches? Don't go there.

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1. The beaches are terrible.


It's so annoying how you have to choose between white sandy beaches with clear blue water, yellow sandy beaches with clear blue water, and pebbled beaches with clear blue water. Ughhh.

4. There's zero culture.


Doesn't every country have Greek, Turkish, Arab, and Armenian communities whose food, cultures, and languages have all intermixed to form distinct and unique versions of the things you'd have to visit four other countries to see?

6. And *yawn*, what architecture?


The capital Nicosia has Venetian city walls, Turkish baths, Greek ruins, Lusignan castles, hidden mosques, grand cathedrals, and cobblestone pedestrian streets bordered by 19th century houses with courtyards. But so does pretty much every town?

8. You can't even literally immerse yourself in ancient mythology.


Who is this "Aphrodite" chick? Who cares if she emerged from the mists of this beach that I can swim in? Who even wants to pretend they're a goddess emerging from the clear waters of a Mediterranean paradise?

12. There's nothing to eat.


Unique local spins on Greek, Turkish, and Lebanese fare that you won't find anywhere else. But who needs a giant, mouthwatering slab of souvla, or the enormous Cypriot take on the gyro/doner? There's a place in the mall that serves "Mediterranean" food.

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