22 Things You Will Do During A Winter Relationship

    Congratulations! You've fallen in love in winter! This is going to be the best thing ever, right?

    The Guyliner
    by The Guyliner

    BuzzFeed Contributor

    In case you haven't heard, winter is THE time for locking down a relationship.

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    'Tis the season to be coupled. Not because you're ready for the next big step in your love life – let's be real – but because who wants to freeze to death alone? Nobody wants to be the saddo single taking up space at all those Christmas parties.

    New to cuffing season? No problem, allow me to guide you through all of the cuffing season rituals you're in for this year...

    1. Walk arm-in-arm through Christmas markets.

    2. Decide to go ice skating because it's romantic.

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    You'll then spend 3 hours in A&E having your ankle put in plaster because you fell over. At least you can draw love-hearts all over it.

    3. Become meteorological bores.

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    You'll spend at least the first half-hour of every date talking about how cold it is right now, how this compares to yesterday's coldness, your hopes and aspirations for tomorrow's temperature and whether or not it's time to wear thermals.

    4. Go out for mulled wine because romantic.

    5. Try your very best to drink the mulled wine.

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    The window for achieving that magic temperature between scalding hot lava and tepid phlegm that makes mulled wine drinkable is about 7 seconds, so good luck.

    6. Have sex wearing a Santa hat or Christmas socks, or both, at least once.

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    Accidentally, of course. The first time, anyway.

    7. Get sick of seeing your paramour in the same old scarf.

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    Seriously. Same old stripes. Day in, day out. This calls for action.

    8. Buy your paramour a *new* scarf.

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    Do they love it? Do they hate it? Who cares? You're being romantic and to reject a romantic gesture is up there with slapping a stranger's baby or buying someone panettone for Christmas. Just. Not. Done.

    9. 'Gratefully' receive a new scarf from your lover.

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    You'll pretend you like it, even though red's not your colour, because it's romantic. You'll immediately realise romance is for dicks and that you need to destroy this scarf.

    10. Overanalyse your own goosebumps.

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    Does you skin react that way when you see each other because this is full-on love and lust – or is it just that you forgot to put your thermals on?

    11. Wonder whether you should drop hints about what you’d like to get Christmas.

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    Should you check their credit rating before enthusiastically patting Lamborghinis while out and about?

    12. Worry over what to get *them* for Christmas.

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    Is it too soon to get them anything for Christmas – you've not been going out long. If only you could wrap and gift a spiral of self-doubt; you've got tonnes of that.

    13. Have that painful talk about Christmas presents.

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    Careful: it can very easily turn from "Oh isn't this festive fling simply delightful and lovely" into "My wedding ring finger's looking a bit lonely isn't it? You don't know? Oh let me take off my gloves and show you"

    14. Panic buy.

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    The only winner at the festive relationship gift game is the shop you rush into ashen-faced at 3:59pm on Christmas Eve, wielding credit cards and clutching your chest in agony.

    15. Become obsessed with open fires.

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    Bienvenue to spending hours searching online for the perfect pub with a romantic open fire so you can sit next to it, romantically, and cultivate some romantic chilblains and third-degree burns on your cheeks. Ro. Man. Tic.

    16. Stare into the twinkling lights of a Christmas tree and be so taken by the beauty of it (drunk) you'll consider proposing.

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    Beware, all that Christmas morning Buck's Fizz can mean only one thing: they'll say yes.

    17. Draw love-hearts in the snow.

    18. Argue about whose toes are the coldest.

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    Why isn't there an internationally recognised signal for "It's OK for you to warm your feet on the back of my knees when we're in bed".

    19. Worry about 'the thaw'.

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    What will it be like in summer, once you're holding hands flesh-to-flesh and not just through inch-thick woollen gloves?

    Will you still fancy them when all those toasty layers of clothing are switched out for a cartoon character T-shirt and nasty shorts from three seasons ago?

    20. Be thankful you're not single and going to all those parties alone.

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    Smug? Nous? Never. Look how cute our blanket is. Have you got one of these? Oh, you have your own? Alright, then.

    21. Pledge to do a January detox together.

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    That's bound to go well. Just don't crack first, or you'll be hearing about it at dinner parties for ever.

    22. Realise, on Boxing Day, that you need to start planning Valentine's.

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    Nothing says "I love you" more than service station flowers and a last-minute dinner reservation in a kebab shop, amirite?