You Can’t Change Him: Bucky Barnes, The Winter Soldier

Don't believe the sullen act. Don't bang this guy.

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Captain America: The Winter Soldier was recently released into the (legal) home entertainment universe. This has reignited the squee-soaked Tumblr firestream crushing all over the hot mess that is the Winter Soldier aka James Buchanan “Bucky” Barnes (Sebastian Stan). Kids, this has bad news written all over it. Let's get over this guy together.

Issue #1: The emo act

The Maude / Via static.themaude.com

Boo-freaking-hoo. Unless you like it when he cries and takes a picture of it, then locks himself in his bedroom to write another weepy song because you seemed “indifferent.”

Issue #2: Kind of a show-off

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Oh. Fancy.

Issue #3: The memory of a goldfish

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Forgot his best friend’s face, will definitely forget to call, amirite?

Issue #4: Wears eye makeup

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If he's going to insist on wearing eye makeup, a guy who pouts this much should know to wear something waterproof.

Issue #5: Probably poor

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This guy has been frozen for the better part of a century. Get ready to lay out all of your money.

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So, aside from being a homicidal, brainwashed Soviet pawn with a bionic arm and tragic personal history (and also a work of fiction), the Winter Soldier should probably spend some time with a therapist before spending any time with you. Cry me a river, pretty boy.

A version of this post originally appeared on The Maude.