Elizabeth Banks Built Shoe-Throwing Robot for Hillary Clinton, Says Night Light
Is actress Elizabeth Banks trying to become the next Tony Stark or is the night light in her hallway just politically biased? Read the best celebrity gossip as told by Hollywood's most connected inanimate objects!
Is 'Walk of Shame' star Elizabeth Banks behind one of the most dastardly political conspiracies of modern times? According to her hallway night light, it might explain everything! And you won't believe the marvel-ous source of her inspiration! It will answer the age-old question: Seriously, who throws a shoe? Answer: Elizabeth Banks's robot.
Banks's night light resides in the actress's upstairs hallway outlet and claims that the multi-hyphenate movie star spent the month of March visiting the Middle East to build a sophisticated robot designed to throw shoes. Apparently, this operation is part of a private contracting deal with Hillary Clinton's team that is designed to engineer the best sympathetic public relations coup for the former Secretary of State. The night light says that Banks was nowhere to be seen in her home during the daylight hours that month and the timing of Clinton's shoe-throwing incident in April was "suspect."
"Maybe I don't normally see Lizzy during the day because that is when I sleep," said the night light, "but I know she's really handy with a screwdriver as well as being a huge fan of that pinko Hillary. We don't talk a lot, but I follow her on Twitter."
Allegedly, Banks took up temporary residence in a cave in Afghanistan where she built the shoe-throwing machine under the duress of her own technological ambitions. Clearly inspired by 2008's 'Iron Man' and its main character Tony Stark, the actress, producer, and 'Pitch Perfect 2' director is looking to add "philanthropist" and "genius" and possibly "Avenger" to her colorful repertoire. And Hillary Clinton is giving her the ultimate opportunity.
A source who claims to be close to George Clooney's dental floss says that the night light has an obvious political agenda. "I think what we're seeing here is a prime example of astroturfing. I'd love to know how much the Koch brothers have given this night light to conjure up this story because all of sudden my Facebook feed is filled with Tea Party stuff and I'm being treated to fancy dinners and golf outings. Seems fishy to me. Especially because I don't think that night light has ever seen Elizabeth Banks in daylight, let alone had a conversation with her."
An attempt to contact Banks was considered, but failed.
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