What Your Jewish Mother Thinks Of Golden Globes Fashion

"She must have a light and predictable period..."

When it comes to opinions on fashion, there's nothing like the words of a Jewish mother to serve the truth (with a side of crude sass, of course!) So after last Sunday's Golden Globe awards, the first people I texted were my mom Robin and her two best friends Blair and Lilli to hear what they thought of the best and worst looks of the night. They definitely didn't disappoint- here's their Jewish Mother-ly best commentary!

Chrissy Teigen

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Robin: Looks like Granny Panties with a skirt. This is awful. Seams in all the wrong places.

Blair: Love the color on her, but all I can focus on are the corset-looking seams.

Lilli: Pretty lace. Not quite sure about the strange modesty panel, though. Looks like a saggy diaper.

Jennifer Lopez

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R: Beautiful. Classic JLo.

B: She's hot and she knows it.

L: Love the bedazzled caftan. 1970s beach goddess.

Kate Hudson

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R: Can we all just die of envy now?

B: Just like her mom, she'll still be wearing dresses like this when she's 60. But that'll be okay.

L: If anyone still has the figure for that dress, it's Kate. So why not? And she must have a light and predictable period.

Melissa McCarthy

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R: Definitely a flattering look. But I would have preferred something other than the bow.

B: Impressive given she sewed this herself.

L: Tie the bow at the waist, open the top three buttons of the blouse, and this could be a win.

Rosamund Pike

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R: Okay, we get it, you look terrific for 5 weeks post-baby birthing. But those bandages across your chest just don't work. Pull those boobs up. Way up. And cover up, too.

B: Ever heard of breast tape? Yank those milkers up, girl!

L: I'm seeing a little more Rosamund than I need to see, but she looks beautiful. Just a little more fabric and she'd be perfect.

Katie Cassidy

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R: And the award for best Vegas showgirl goes to Katie Cassidy.

B: She's ready for the Miss USA pageant.

L: Is there a such thing as a swimsuit that doubles as an evening gown? This might be it. And that's not a good thing.

Tina Fey

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R: Tina, you look fantastic, but is there a table under your dress?

B: Couture hot air balloon?

L: You couldn't pay me to say a bad word about Tina Fey.

Keira Knightley

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R: Sure doesn't look like Gucci... more like Holly Hobby! The collar looks like it's made from a roll of giant crepe paper...

B: Did Maria Von Trapp put this together? Bedskirts and bloomers.

L: Little Lord Fauntleroy.

Maura Tierney

Us Magazine / Via usmagazine.com

R: Looks like she borrowed a dress from her grandmother. WAY too matronly for her!

B: Great color if she tends to spill her wine.

L: That's some somber stuff. Cheer up, Maura! It's an awards show!

Lena Dunham

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R: Why do I feel like she's always TRYING to look unattractive? Cover those tattoos and find something flattering to wear!

B: This 'girl' needs a stylist.

L: Her hair and makeup are so pretty. I just wish the dress had a waist.

Laura Prepon

New York Daily News / Via assets.nydailynews.com!/img/httpImage/image.jpg_gen

R: Elvira, your dress is looking for you!

B: She's ready for a flamenco dancing lesson.

L: So severe! Too much black.

Jessica Chastain

People StyleWatch / Via img2.timeinc.net

R: I just can’t get past the Hefty Bag look of this fabric. In another color, perhaps I would have actually loved this.

B: She can pull off ‘off’ colors. A bit too much fabric flowing but thumbs up.

L: Very old Hollywood. But not the most flattering color on her. Does anyone look good in that color? Probably not.