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22 Reasons You Shouldn't Go Ice Skating
You Nancy Kerrican't. Even if you really Michelle Kwant to.
1. Just walking down the street during the winter is hard enough.
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2. And skating on normal ground is never a good idea.
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3. So why is STRAPPING TWO KNIVES TO YOUR FEET AND RUNNING AROUND ON A BLOCK OF ICE OK?
4. Answer: it isn't.
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5. Maybe it's part of your holiday dream to go ice skating.
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6. Maybe you think it'd make an adorable date.
7. Maybe you have a friend who plays intramural hockey and whenever you go to their games, you're like, "That looks pretty easy."
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8. IT ISN'T.
9. Animals with four legs can't even do it.
10. THAT'S TWICE AS MANY LEGS AS A HUMAN.
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11. Even animals who were evolutionarily designed to walk on ice cannot walk on ice.
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12. Not even Justin Bieber can make ice skating look not-awkward.
13. You're thinking, oh, if I fall, it'll just be an adorable little trip and someone will help me up.
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14. But it won't.
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15. You're thinking maybe you'll even get a date out of it.
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16. But you won't.
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17. You'll eat it and feel like a helpless child.
18. Even once you realize what a huge mistake you've made, there's no easy way out.
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19. Why are we trusting ice?
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20. Ice is not to be trusted.
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