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22 Reasons You Shouldn't Go Ice Skating
You Nancy Kerrican't. Even if you really Michelle Kwant to.
Just walking down the street during the winter is hard enough.
And skating on normal ground is never a good idea.
So why is STRAPPING TWO KNIVES TO YOUR FEET AND RUNNING AROUND ON A BLOCK OF ICE OK?
Maybe it's part of your holiday dream to go ice skating.
Maybe you think it'd make an adorable date.
Maybe you have a friend who plays intramural hockey and whenever you go to their games, you're like, "That looks pretty easy."
Animals with four legs can't even do it.
THAT'S TWICE AS MANY LEGS AS A HUMAN.
Even animals who were evolutionarily designed to walk on ice cannot walk on ice.
Not even Justin Bieber can make ice skating look not-awkward.
You're thinking, oh, if I fall, it'll just be an adorable little trip and someone will help me up.
You're thinking maybe you'll even get a date out of it.
You'll eat it and feel like a helpless child.
Even once you realize what a huge mistake you've made, there's no easy way out.
Why are we trusting ice?
Ice is not to be trusted.
Don't go ice skating.
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