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A Super Mario Love Story, Told Through 30 Mario Products

The Mushroom Kingdom can now be your kingdom. This is a guide to your perfect, Mario themed life.

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11. Mario Themed Wine Stopper


Either way, you'll probably want to pull out the Good Stuff for this date.

It's the perfect thing to plug that $200 of wine you've been saving for this occasion, you wonderful romantic fool, you.


12. Mario and Co. Moustache Shot Glasses


You won't want to finish all the Good Stuff in one go, however.

So, here's a party game. Start up the original Mario, trade off lives and levels, take shots each time you die.

Congrats, it's World 3 and you're drunk.

13. Hand Painted Large Box of Awesome


Next thing you know, you've hauled out the best container, and you're taking turns vocally reenacting this scene from Se7en:

"What's in the baaaawks!"

Giggles are had. Winks. Nudges.

14. Action Figures From The Super Mario Movie


Inside the box is, in fact, your collection of awful action figures from the Super Mario Bros movie.

There was laughter, and then severe disappointment, remembering that the film existed.

But you knew how to cheer the two of you up.


16. Block Lamp


And this.

Both of which you offered to show them.

Mentioning that these things were in your bedroom.

There are too many jokes to be made here about mushrooms and things getting bigger and warp pipes, but... we'll skip those.

17. 8-bit Mario Cutting Board


The next morning, making breakfast, you'll mention how the board could only be better if they had used the Super Mario 2 Mario. Because of the veggies you're dicing, see.

It doesn't matter. You're making them breakfast. On a Mario cutting board. It's already the best day ever.


20. Super Mario Greeting Cards


You give them this card, and mention that sometimes it feels like you've accidentally taken the warp zone pipe.

They tell you that they love the card, and agree, saying:

"Life is like a warp pipe. A really good one."

Warm fuzzies all around.

21. Painting of Mario and Luigi as Ghostbusters


They got you this - and don't even mention that it cost them $1,200.

Worth it, every penny. That's what they're thinking.

See, I know this, because I'm Omniscient.

23. Peach and Mario Themed Wedding Attire


You feel like you've hit a warp pipe again - the day of your wedding is here.

Perhaps it looked something like this.

Perhaps there were two Marios - perhaps there were two Peaches.

Either way, it was glorious.


30. Hand-knit Mario Cap


The holidays roll around again, and it's time for the annual Christmas Card Photo.

This year, you've got one of these - one of each size, for every family member.

Best. Photo. Ever.

On the card, you write:

Life is like a warp zone. A really good one.


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