The 10 Stages Of Dieting/Exercising To Lose Weight

Dieting is horrible and probably one of the least enjoyable activities in the world. After all, the word itself describes how dieting feels: kind of like dying. Diet... die... get it? Sorry, that was cheesy... mmm, cheese...

Stage 1: Saying goodbye to crisps and hello to crisp lettuce

My talented brother Rory Wilson / Via rorywilsonillustration.tumblr.com

Every diet begins with some sort of dramatic story, which you eventually exaggerate ready for *~THAT~* Facebook/Instagram dramatic weight loss post.

*Examples of this moment include: Watching TV when suddenly you decide it's time to diet until you have a figure like Candice Swanepoel/Channing Tatum; Deciding the reason that person looked at you on the beach is because you are hideous and crying all the way home; Eating a whole pizza, two kebabs and a whole tub of ice cream only to conclude you are disgusting and perhaps it's time to stop this reckless lifestyle.

Stage 2: Burn, baby burn!

My talented brother Rory / Via rorywilsonillustration.tumblr.com

All of a sudden, whether its 3pm or 3am, you are exercising as though your life depends on it. You are "The Rock", You are "Usain Bolt", You are "Rebecca Adlington". You can do anything. The breathlessness fills you with joy. Even your own sweaty B.O makes you feel proud. You take to social media to let everyone know what a fitness/health god you are.

*Examples of these posts include: Just ran 5k without stopping! Can't believe I did it!; I ate healthy all week AND just burned 800cals at the gym... Go me!; Loving the burn of working out!! Must hit my goal weight!!

Stage 3: Dish of the day = pride

My talented brother Rory / Via rorywilsonillustration.tumblr.com

You make a delicious and healthy dish, you are proud! You eat your quinoa superfood salad and enjoy it! Of course, you even take a photo of your dishes to prove your amazing commitment to the diet.

*Examples of these posts include: Just made a healthy chicken salad with fresh tomatoes #yum #foodstagram #fitnessinspo; Avocado on toast for breakfast! So much tastier than a full english!; Protein shake time!! #proteinshake #proteinpro.

Stage 4: Realising that healthy food just doesn't taste as good as a burger

My talented brother Rory / Via rorywilsonillustration.tumblr.com

You've had brown rice and eggs three times this week and to be honest, the thought of eating another plate of celery makes you feel a little queasy and sad. Is this my life now?

*Examples of thoughts include: I'm sure my quinoa didn't taste this flavourless last week...; Mmm Brocolli, again...; Maybe if I add a little cheese....

Stage 5: Healthy food actually angers you

My talented brother Rory / Via rorywilsonillustration.tumblr.com

Not sure how, but you are furious with your sad looking plate. You would do anything for a tube of pringles but NO!!!! YOU ARE EATING STUFF THAT LITERALLY TASTES LIKE AIR!!! *FUMES*

*Examples of thoughts include: MANY MANY EXPLETIVES, SWEAR WORDS AND ANGRY, VIOLENT THOUGHTS!!!!!

Stage 6: All you want to do is eat EVERYTHING

My talented brother Rory / Via rorywilsonillustration.tumblr.com

Cake shops suddenly become a bit of a turn on. You have to stop yourself from going inside, buying the biggest cake in there and eating it on a bench like the sad hungry person you are. You want to cry... Your face is wet... Oh ok, you are crying...

*Examples of thoughts include: Oh my... Oh my oh my... That chocolate cake looks mighty fine; If I wasn't on a diet, I would totally order a Chinese. I'd have sweet and sour chicken with egg fried rice, a large coke, a side of satay chicken and prawn crackers, one of those little fortune cookies, no make that three. Then I'd eat some ice cream, pringles and finish off with a cake!!!

Stage 7: Working out just isn't fun anymore

My talented brother Rory / Via rorywilsonillustration.tumblr.com

Either it is too hot or too cold to work out. Suddenly there are so many reasons why you *CANNOT* work out. You are tired after a few push ups and spend your time at the gym lying/sitting down, checking your phone and taking photos of yourself in your gym outfit.

*Examples of thoughts include: How do people find this fun??????????; This is actual torture. I would rather eat my toenails than do another sit up; Phew a slow, sad song on the radio, time to rest (even though I've only done five push ups)....

Stage 8: Fed up of people telling you to give up and "eat something"

My talented brother Rory / Via rorywilsonillustration.tumblr.com

Why is it when you need the motivation the most, people always say the opposite to what you need to hear? People you don't even know comment on your food choices. You have to admit that their words are grinding on you. Is this even worth it??

*Examples of things people say include: "You don't need to diet, there's nothing to you!"; "Come on, lighten up, it's Sam's birthday, you can allow yourself a slice of cake at least!!"; "Are you sure you don't want a biscuit?"

Stage 9: Weighing yourself only reaffirms your doubts

My talented brother Rory / Via rorywilsonillustration.tumblr.com

After the pain, the struggle and fighting the desperate urge to eat everything in your cupboards and fridge, you step on the scales. You step on the scales and you are wildly disappointed.

*Examples of thoughts include: How on earth have I only lost 2 lbs/1 kg after a month???; I didn't eat pizza for a whole month, I went for runs and I am only 2lbs lighter???????? HOW??? WHY???; What is wrong with me???; Am I just destined to be fat????? *SOBS HEAVILY*.

Stage 10: Food, Glorious Food!!! (And then begin back at stage 1 and repeat)

My talented brother Rory rorywilsonillustration.tumblr.com / Via rorywilsonillustration.tumblr.com

You give in. And eat everything. And it tastes damn good. Until you feel like a pig, and feel ridiculously full and then decide to diet again.. (See stage 1)

Examples of thoughts include: "HALLELUJAH!!!!"; "OH OH OH THIS IS GOOD"; "I HAVE MISSED YOU MY SWEET BABIES!!!"; "COME TO MAMA!!" etc etc.