Anyone who has ever met me knows that I'm liberal, agnostic, an activist, and really fucking gay. However, I was born and raised in Southern Illinois, in a small town that feasted on homophobia, sexism, racism, and generally being a douche. Among the 4,000 people, there were 8 churches. Out of these 8, 1 wasn't actively homophobic, but they were essentially the church version of DADT.
I was always the weird kid, but I was granted the blessing of becoming the DUFF for the second most popular group in school-can't get greedy, right? My earliest memory of homophobia was when I was watching a movie with the group leader, a devout Catholic. Keep in mind, this was about a month after I started having feelings for another good friend, Amy*. Me and Beth* somehow talked about homosexuality. My uncle had been with his husband for about 5 years at this point. I politely stated that God loved all his children (Macklemore not intended.) Beth, being her kind self, told me that gays were children of Satan.
Flash forward two years. I'm in seventh grade, a nervous wreck who would do anything to deny her "unnatural feelings." But, finally, I came out and ended up falling in love with my best friend. Hey, at least she was bi. Luckily, everyone in my friend group, from Beth to my best friend to Amy to a redneck boy I've known since birth, handled the news well
I could go on and on about my experiences. I could talk about going to my sisters church for the first time after coming out and heard a homophobic sermon. I could ramble about how I has harassed in study hall by a group of homophobic students in front of our religious nut job of a teacher. He did nothing, as you can imagine. I could go on forever about my feelings for my best friend, and how when she found out, she confronted me in front of a room of people. Lord knows my time in the small town was the worst part of my life, but I'll just skip to the happy ending.
About an hour from my town, there was the city of Carbondale. On the outskirts of the city, there was an LGBT youth group called Rainbow Cafe. This was the first time in my life, I could talk freely with like minded individuals. Even my (old) best friend was a republican. It was at this home away from home that I found a person, our manager, Emily*, who really cared about me. They were the one who kept me from killing myself on a bad night. It was at this place I met my current girlfriend who has helped me overcome severe depression and anxiety.
Living in a small town is like being trapped in a bubble of hate. You have to escape if you want to survive. I was under the impression that the entire world was all negative people whose primary goal was to hurt you. Just a hint-it's not. No matter how much life sucks right now, you will survive.
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