16 Things More Men Would Do If It Weren't For The Patriarchy

Masculinity is a prison!!!!

Redditor watermelancholia recently posed the question on AskReddit, “Men of Reddit; what thing would you do if it wasn't so 'feminine' or socially 'unacceptable'?”

The responses were equal parts charming and, well... sad. Here are some of the best ones.

1. Wear yoga pants every damn day.

shop.lululemon.com

"If I didn't have a penis I would only wear yoga pants."

—trump_did_nineeleven

"I bought some fleece long underwear that are more or less a male equivalent to fleece-lined leggings. I told my wife I now 100% understand why she wears yoga pants and leggings at every available opportunity."

—Crocoduck_The_Great

2. Do face masks to their hearts' content.

NBC / Via becasbeautyspace.blogspot.com

"One night, my girlfriend decided to use one of those face mask things. So, I decided, why the hell can't I make my skin all nice and soft? Now I'm addicted and do them at least twice a week."

—dick_butt_jr

3. Have a set of perfectly hairless butt cheeks.

NBC / Via tumblr.com

"Laser hair removal on my ass. Actually, I finally starting going (I'm in my fourth session) and it is amazing. I so should have just swallowed my pride and done this sooner. I have always had to shave between my butt cheeks because it was like shitting through a strainer if I didn't. Also, as a side effect, I save so much more on toilet paper now."

—rateds2k

4. Smell like a bed of roses.

Lucasfilm / Via giphy.com

"It's a really simple thing, but girls just fucking smell good. When they come out of the bathroom after showering and freshening up, it smells like someone knocked over a jar full of polka dots or something. They're all flowery and fruity and sweet. I wish I could smell like a flowerbed all the time without getting judged."

—Dear_Occupant

5. Sit with one leg draped over the other.

Ingram Publishing / Getty Images

"In high school, I wouldn't sit in a chair with one leg crossed over the other because I would get comments. 'Doesn't that hurt?' 'That looks gay,' etc.

Now, I sit like that all the time. It's comfortable and I've seen many older men whom I respect sit that way. It makes me feel a touch distinguished for some reason."

—Phelebas

6. Teach preschool without making people uncomfortable.

Paramount Pictures / Via thedebrief.co.uk

"I would have kept teaching preschool. I had a way with young kids and really enjoyed seeing them make connections for the first time almost every single day. I just hated the first few months of the school year where parents were on high alert with me. I understood why, having been a parent, but it was why I moved up to older kids."

—TheDebateMatters

7. Be little spoon once in a while.

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"Sometimes, I want to be the cuddlee instead of the cuddler."

—VictorBlimpmuscle

8. Use makeup to cover up blemishes.

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"I would wear makeup for the dark circles under my eyes."

—fiddyspent

9. Accessorize with a few nice pieces of jewelry.

NBC / Via wifflegif.com

"I love gems and jewelry. I'd wear more jewelry if it was socially acceptable. I mean, a ruby-studded gold bracelet or some shit. Hell, it would be neat to get a piercing and put a gemstone in it."

—Yaliw

10. Make quilt after quilt.

craftsy.com

"Honestly, I think I'd get into quilting. I live in Pennsylvania and there's some damn impressive quilting happening here. And, to top it off, I think it's awesome that you can make something like a quilt and give it to someone, who'll literally wrap themselves in the gift you've made them. Fuck it. I'm making a quilt, you guys."

—santajawn322

11. Order a fruity cocktail at a bar without being judged.

Paramount Pictures / Via giphy.com

"I really like fruity alcoholic beverages. I think beer and most alcoholic drinks taste like crap. I just get looked at funny when i drink something like a cocktail."

—cheesebrah

12. Pole dance for a good workout.

NBC / Via giphy.com

"That shit works the fuck out of your core!"

—ArthurianSnow

13. Carry their personal belongings in a purse.

NBC / Via reddit.com

"I hate things in my pockets."

—CaptainSnatchbuckler

14. Wear a skirt for comfort and style.

FOX / Via thirdmonk.net

"We need the ball room. I'm actually for the revival of cloaks and such as well. We should just wear robes."

—jaijaikali

"They look nice and seem breezy."

—Doctorofgallifrey

15. Stay home with their children.

ABC / Via giphy.com

"I want to be a stay-at-home dad. Everyone expects a man to have goals and career aspirations. That's not really me."

—GhostCorps973

16. Express emotion and weakness openly.

npr.org

"Men can be just as emotional as the average woman, but at any sign of vulnerability or weakness, we are told to 'man up'."

—HessianStatistician

Submissions have been lightly edited for length/clarity.