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21. Her birth name really is Brooke Candy.
20. She has a pot leaf tattooed on her ass...
19. ...and a couch on her inner bicep.
18. She stole the show in synth-gloom-pop queen Grimes’ video for “Genesis"...
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17. ...where she romped around with her killing-est braids and whipped them back and forth like a boss.
16. Speaking of which, don’t even think about touching those babies because they cost more than your car.
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At least according to the fiercely infectious club banger, “Don’t Touch My Hair, Hoe.”
15. She’s a stripper and she’s actually good at it.
People may think women are being objectified in the strip club, but the men are equally objectified. Money and sex are two of the most powerful forces in the world — I may just be a sex object to you, but all you are to me is an ATM dude. If a man is willing to give me something so important to him — money — just for dancing and being exactly who I am, then I think he's the one being used.
13. She's fearless when it comes to schooling her haters...
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12. ...especially about period blood.
11. She's proud of her slut status.
10. She pretty much rules the world in her anti-slut-shaming anthem, "Das Me"...
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9. ...in which she walks an Asian child down the streets of LA on a leash...
8. ...and encourages endless amounts of tit jiggling and dick wiggling.
7. I don't think she's ever NOT touching her boobs.
6. Which of the following are songs by Brooke Candy?
A. "Pussy Make the Rules"
B. "Firey Dick"
C. "I Wanna Fuck Right Now"
Answer: D. All of the above. (Duh.)
5. She's a total Tumblr-verse goddess.
4. She’s multi-talented. She can rap with a face fulla lizards.
3. Yeah, just watch "Everybody Does" already.
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Creepers, gold body spray paint, lizards, oh my!
2. Her. Style.
1. This picture.
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