How To Break Up With Your Romantic Partner In 8 Easy Steps!

Need advice on how to end a relationship? Well, this article is for you. Complete guide with 8 easy steps on how to break up with your romantic partner.

Step One: Realize you’re just not that into him (or her).

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Sometimes it’s hard to know when to call it quits. Luckily this cool dude named Mark Knapp is here to help! He came up with a relationship model called Knapp’s Stage Model to help people like you and me figure out when to throw in the towel. According to Knapp, there are five stages before a relationship is officially over (Alberts, Nakayama, & Martin, 2007, p. 196). Done with. Dead.

In order to make sure it is time to end it, you need to know what stage you are in. This can help avoid confusion and prevent those painful, long talks that are bound to happen if you don’t follow the steps correctly.

Step Two: You do you Honey Boo Boo.

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So you don’t want to put a ring on it uh? Perfect. You came to the right place. The first stage in this downward spiral that leads to someone consuming buckets of chocolate ice cream and boxes of tissues is called the “differentiating” stage. This is basically where you decide you are a strong independent wo(man) and you don’t need NO man (or woman)! This stage is when you might start arguing or talking about how you just don’t get along (Alberts et al., 2007, p. 196)! Basically, you start creating a distance between the two of you by doing stuff on your own (Alberts et al., 2007, p. 196). You know, finding the ~real~ you.

Step Three: Ditch the whips.

Congratulations! You got your (wo)man card back! Now that you are your own ~person~ and have laid out your differences, you have successfully moved your relationship into the second stage of Knapp's model. The circumscribing stage. This is known as the step where couples only talk about 'safe' topics (Alberts et al., 2007, p. 196).

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No, this isn't 50 shades with safe words, these are safe topics. Things like "did you pick up the dry cleaning?" or "did I get any mail?". Your conversations are pretty much limited to every-day topics because you may be feeling less than amused (Avtgis, West, & Anderson, 2009, p. 285). So yeah, the things you talk about are boring, uninteresting, lame-o stuff. No fuzzy handcuffs involved.

Step Four: Don’t stress, just gotta tell him you’re leaving… Eventually

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There’s only so many times you can ask your soon to be ex if he/she picked up the milk before you’re not so cuckoo for his/her cocoa puffs. Once you’re here, you’re stagnating. In your head you’re basically single, you just haven’t let your man/girl know yet. You might just be hanging in there because of a shared lease or other shared commitments (Knapp’s Relationship Model). The struggle is real and no one likes being in limbo.

Step Five: Ghost the hell out of that shit.

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The fifth stage is when you are finally fed up with all of his or her crap. This stage is called avoidance. As the name suggests, it’s where you “can’t even!” and you don’t particularly want to talk to him or her. That bush way over there looks like a better place to hide than having to talk to your boo. And physically, there is a clear separation (Knapp’s Relationship Model). Things in the affection department are pretty scarce in this stage. He’s sure as hell talking to the hand because you are off relationship duty at this point.

Step Six: Summon your inner Arnold.

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The last stage is the most important because it is when the white flag waved by the person who is done with that bullshit (you). This stage is the ‘terminating’ stage. In the termination stage, the partnership is broken and will go on with their ventures (Knapp’s Relationship Model). As stated in the name, this is where you can finally be done, the relationship is officially ended (Alberts et al., 2007, p. 196). But no, Arnold, this time you won’t be back.

Step Seven: The Final Act: You’ve Got Two Options

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Option 1: The easy way out

This is the way to end a relationship with the least amount of effort and awkwardness for you. Pull out your smartphone, go to your contacts to that frowny face emoji, and send them a text. Your text can be as elaborate as you want or just a simple “we’re done”. But you can also use the breakup technique of justifying your actions if need be (Alberts et al., 2007, p. 207)! This can be done by saying something like “if we break up, we will have more time to study!”. At this point you are fully committed. Press send and the dirty deed is done. Congratulations! You are now single! Be free butterfly!

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Option 2: Keeping it personal

Let them know you need to talk. Saying “we need to talk” is actually a darn good way to do it because it gets the message across while kind of hinting about what going to happen. Like a small part of a movie spoiler. Sit them down and let them down easy. Here you can use the positive tones breakup method. Basically focus on something positive, as the name suggests, and keep their feelings in mind (Alberts et al., 2007, p. 207). You can pull the “we can still be friends” card if you really want but try to be sincere. Drum roll please! You’re free!

Step Eight: PARTAY

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You’re a free woman/man and you can now do whatever you want! Go have a night out with the girls, get the boys together for some football and video games, whatever it may be, you can now do it alone and in peace! Go have fun, but not too much fun because that’s how you fall in love with the next one, and we already worked so damn hard to get here.

Works Cited

Alberts, J., Nakayama, J. N., & Martin, J. N. (2007). Human Communication in Society (4th ed.). Upper Saddle River, NJ: Pearson Hall.

Avtgis, T. A., West, D. V., & Anderson, T. L. (2009). Relationship stages: An inductive analysis identifying cognitive, affective, and behavioral dimensions of Knapp's relational stages model. Communication Research Reports 15(3), 280-287. dio: 10.1080/08824099809362124

Knapp's Relationship Model. (n.d.). Retrieved December 4, 2015, from http://communicationtheory.org/knapps-relationship-model/