Now, let me make this clear, there are the nice guys and then there are the NiceGuys™. Nice guys would be the type to think "I think I'm a pretty nice guy" as a way to be confident in themselves, while a NiceGuy™ (and yes, the ™ is all apart of a joke) is the type to call themselves nice in order to try to get what they want or claim they are better than others.
You know the type. Being interested in non-popular hobbies or concepts only because they despise anything mainstream, and dressed in knock-off versions of expensive clothes and then using their outfits as an example of why they're better than you. They're most famous for their whole "I'm being nice to you so you have to go on a date with me, and if you don't then you're obviously a bitch" getup that would make any man pull their newspapers over their heads in embarrassment.
Although very similar, the difference between a NiceGuy™ and a fuckboy is that a fuckboy tends to be on the popular side (weed, parties, sex-addictions) and NiceGuys™ tend to be on the nerdier side (video games, 4chan, and Japanese cartoons). As much as I would like to talk about the fuckboys and their behaviours, I feel like it would be much easier and more fun to explain The Top 10 Reasons Girls Don't Go For Nice Guys!
1. You Weren't Actually Being Nice
Let's give you a scenario:
You're at a book store and you see a girl reading one of your favourite book series. You've seen this girl around somewhere, so you won't be too uncomfortable approaching her and maybe asking her out. After gathering up your courage, you sit down on the arm of the chair (not putting your entire weight on the arm chair of course) and begin talking to her. "Hey have I seen you somewhere before" or maybe "Oh man that is one of my favourite books!" but she seems rather uncomfortable and asks you to leave. What a bitch! You gathered all your courage just to talk to her and she shooed you away! You were just being a nice guy, right?
No, not really. You didn't know how important personal space was to her, plus you were bothering her while she was obviously busy. It's best to go to the book store for a bit, and one day when she isn't busy you could approach her. Or if you recognize her really well then you could describe her to one of your friends and ask them to introduce you to her!
If she isn't interested then tough luck, try again with someone else! Rejecting you isn't rude. There could be a number of reasons she isn't interested like if she has a boyfriend, if she isn't interested in men, or she simply isn't looking for a partner at the moment.
Make sure when approaching a girl to ask out to check:
- for signs of discomfort (tight muscles, look of fear/confusion/annoyance, moving away, lack of eye contact)
- to see if you're at a reasonable distance
- to see if they are busy
- for signs of possible a boyfriend or girlfriend
- if the location you're at would be appropriate to approach them (an airport or restaurant is not appropriate, a museum or park would be)
2. Your Appearance is Offputting
Now, I'm not talking about things you can't change / don't need to change. Not bone structure, hair or eye colour (although we'll talk about that in a couple of minutes). Think about your hygiene.
Don't get me wrong, the stereotype of nerds not taking proper care of themselves is getting rather old, but if you don't take care of yourself then there's a big chance that she won't be thinking of your personality. Now, not everyone has the money to own a washing machine or a working shower but everyone should try their hardest to take care of themselves.
If you do have working water, then use that to your advantage and wash yourself, wash your clothes, brush your teeth, and drink enough water. If you smell bad or are feeling heavy amounts of fatigue then girls likely won't think of you as a healthy person to be around.
3. You Don't Fall Into Her Line of Preferences
Whether you like it or not, everyone has preferences. Everyone. Every single person.
Not even just for dating, many people put of boundaries of what kind of people they like to hang out with on a regular basis. For some, it's things we've purposely decided like "I will only date a girl with curves" or "I will only date a boy with abs" but for others, it's things that we decided without even knowing. For example, I will not date anyone who's prejudice against minorities. As soon as someone says something racist or homophobic, it automatically turns me off. Even if they try to hide it, something always slips out and I instantly become suspicious of them.
For a lot of people, it's not things that their partner must have, but things that their partner must not have. "I won't ever date a guy who doesn't understand personal space", "I won't ever date a guy who will touch me without permission", " I won't ever date a guy who has a reputation for cheating" are all very common preferences.
Whether you deem yourself as nice or not, you just might not be another person's cup of tea. But that's not reason to give up on yourself, just because a couple girls don't like you doesn't mean other girls won't too. Get out there and look for other girls to date!
4. You Are Upset When She Doesn't Instantly See You As An Option For Dating / Sex
The friendzone. Oh my goodness, I can not explain to you how often I hear guys talk about how it makes a woman a terrible, horrid bitch to think about a guy as a friend. What's almost as bad is when women just say "oh well the friendzone doesn't exist". It does exist, but not how we think it does.
You see this image? Of course, if you've been in the Internet for more than three or four years then chances are you've seen this image before.
If you don't know why the friendzone is so bothersome, then let me explain three different things.
One Sided Love - When you love someone, but they don't love you back
Friend Zone - When you love someone, but because they only see you as a friend it means they are inconsiderate or a bitch
Leading Soemone On - When you act like or tell someone you are going to do something (typically romantic or sexual), but never actually do it
The friendzone is a combination of one sided love and leading someone on, although not quite. For most people, when you want to become someone's friend you want to spend time with them. You want to know their hobbies, interests, whether they have pets or not, ect. For the NiceGuys™, they take this as leading them on. It's not, but they make it seem like it is anyways. So when they express their love for you, and they find out that it's one sided then guess what? That means it's your fault. Wow, what a bad person you are for wanting to become someone's friend. What a terrible, rude person. No, not actually.
Chances are, if you think this way then the girl saw right through it and instantly got turned off. Who knows? Maybe she wanted to date you, but as soon as you got upset at her she realized that you were not right for her.
5. Her Views Don't Line Up With Yours
This one is really simple. Although a Muslim and a Christian could date without having a single problem, if there were too many disagreements on other views then they probably wouldn't even start dating.
Disagreements are common in any relationship, but this also has a deep connection with the preferences. She might need someone to have the same views as her (atleast on a couple things) so someone will be there to comfort her on her beliefs, relate to her, share a laugh or joke based on an opinion, ect.
6. Your Expectations Are Too High
Say she likes you, she decided to go on a date with you. You both begin to express your preferences or what kind of relationship you both would like to have. Then something hits her. A look of worry, insecurity, maybe even anger. That's the last date you two have.
There's a difference between a preference and expectations which are too high. A preference would be liking girls whom are skinny, while a expectation which is too high would be that she has to weight under 100 pounds, eat exactly what you tell her to eat, and skip four meals a week if she gains any more than 1 pound. It's over the top and down right emotionally abusive.
Preferences are cool and a girl will most likely understand that everyone has them, but if expectations are too high then she'll leave faster than you can say NiceGuy™.
7. She Can See You're Trying To Change Yourself
Don't change yourself for anyone, don't do it. I agree that it would be nice to have someone agree with everything I say, compliment me, validate my opinions, and relate to my problems but when you purposely change yourself to fit into that mold then a girl will be able to tell sooner or later.
Date a girl who is okay with you being you. Considering different opinions or trying new things is important in life, but don't fake your personality to tru to get with us.
8. You Won't Give Up / You Stalk
Not giving up on someone is only romantic after you're dating. If you push and push and push for a girl to date you, it will just make you look obsessive and creepy. It's also very unhealthy for your mind.
If you truly think she would like you after getting to know you then be her friend. Hang out with her as a friend. If she doesn't fall in love then cry for a little bit, eat some junk food, heal, and then move on.
9. She Has A Boyfriend (and he's not as much of a jerk as you think he is)
You sit on our computer, angrily. She has recently posted a status saying "My bf Josh stole my Cheetos again! Wow what a jerk, jk Ily bb!!". If you were her boyfriend then you would never steal her Cheetos. You would probably buy a big bag for you two to share together! Her boyfriend is such a jerk and you can't wait for her to finally see that you're truly the one for her!
Except.. maybe he's not a jerk? Couples often do little things to bug eachother, bring up the dumb thigs they've done to annoy each other, and joke about eachother's flaws. If you love someone, then it means you love their flaws too!
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Although, if you do think their relationship is abusive then you should probably tell someone. Trying to face the relationship alone can be dangerous for you and the victim. Tell the police (or a school counsellor if you're in high school still) if you feel like she is in any real danger. And not the silly "Josh hid the remote!! 😂😘" kind of danger.
10. You Believe She Owes You Something (because of your niceness)
You hold open the door for her everyday, bring her presents and candy, compliment her appearance and intelligence almost daily, and she still hasn't fallen in love with you!
Well that's okay, isn't it? I mean, true nice guys don't do nice things in order to get things out of others. True nice guys just get that feelings of joy whenever they can do nice things for other people! Love can never be bought, and if you're doing all these things for her then chances are you're making her day better. That's what it's supposed to be all about, right?
Some other reasons she doesn't go for you:
- she sees you being rude to other people
- you don't have much in common
- she doesn't feel a romantic click
- you talk bad about people she likes
- you aren't an honest person
- you two haven't been spending enough time together for her to really determine how she feels about you
- she is not interested in men
- you're open how sex is important to you in a relationship but she doesn't like a lot of sex
- you're open how you want very minimal sex in a relationship but sex is a very important thing to her
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