Lets face it, for those of us who have experienced true insomnia (anxiety related, caffeine related, or perhaps because you're a vampire who doesn't know the meaning of sleep), there's no denying that it's the WORST. By hour four of still-being-awakeness you're ready to sell your right arm for a good night's sleep. (But really- any takers??) There are plenty of websites that tell you how to develop better sleep patterns with practice, but who has time for that? You need sleep, you need it NOW, or at least you need to figure out a way to deal with your sleeplessness without tearing out your hair and clawing your eyes out. I'm here to help.
Plan an event that's months from now that may or may not actually happen in exquisite detail.
The anniversary of you and your roommate moving in together is coming up (in July) isn't it?? Better make sure you have the perfect day set to commemorate one year of domestic partnership including but not limited to: a picnic in the park with the two of your favorite foods, visiting the original of that Monet print you have at the Met, a party hosted at your place, obviously, or perhaps just dinner and drinks at your go-to Italian place...see? You have work to do!
Cross of every country, state, and while you're at it city you've been to on a giant map (that you presumably already have lying around).
It's important. You'll need this information one day. I have no idea when or why, but you just will.
Redo the feng shui of your room.
The vibes are probably soo stale by now. Plus, moving your furniture around won't make loud scraping sounds that will annoy your neighbors at 3 am or anything.
Reorganize the fridge- by which I mean make yourself a well-deserved meal.
Write a poem. Or a song. Or an operetta.
Create your dream wedding board on Pinterest.
Create your nightmare wedding board on Pinterest.
Make sure your contacts are up to date.
Don't lie to yourself- hot Aaron from that one party will never text you back and you know it, DELETE. That one girl from your high school french class? She was cool, I guess, but really? I heard she got married and has a kid on the way now. She has no time for you. You'll feel so much better after this cellular declutterage.
The obvious ones:
Read, or watch a TV show, but I say don't make it so easy on yourself. Your body has chosen to keep you awake for a reason! it believes you can accomplish more than the average human on less hours of zzzz's! Read something in a different language that you are only just now teaching yourself! Watch a hearing-impared program as you learn sign language! THE NIGHT IS YOUR OYSTER!
Finally- give up and give in.
Find a tylenol pm. Or an ambien or whatever black market sleeping pills you have (are there black market sleeping pills?? Asking for an insomniac friend) -just please for the sake of all those that will fall victim to your internet presence and everyone your cranky caffeinated self will have to encounter tomorrow, knock yourself out at this point.
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