Lie.
Perhaps the most obvious but often forgotten solution. You're totally Irish!! What, they can't tell? Oh, it's because your dad's dominant darker features completely overshadowed your mom's fair skin and red hair hues when you were baking in the baby oven. But like, you're basically completely irish minus all of the parts of you that aren't and those are just the tiny parts of your heritage that we don't need to worry about on March 17.
Hide.
If you make a big enough blanket fort and stock it with enough mint Oreo's you'll be good for the whole day, right? Just make sure when you Seamless in Chinese or Mexican food you make the delivery guy wear a green hat and suspenders. Treat the non-Irish food transaction as you would a drug deal. Shhh..no one has to know where you are or what you're up to.
Pretend to be foreign.
Strap on some leiderhosen* and put your blond hair up in some braids with that excellent German accent you've acquired. Pretend to be confused- this beer celebration holiday sounded a lot like your native Oktoberfest, so that's what you dressed up for. Surely the hospitable Irishfolk will take pity on you, buy you a pint and teach you the ways of their people, right?
*Try to go for green leiderhosen to subtly help your case. Ich bin ein Irishman!
Timing is everything.
If you decide you want to go out and aren't quite comfortable lying about your heritage, wait til the exact moment when people are getting lovey-drunk. They will probably see right into your inner beauty no matter how un-Irish it is and welcome you to the festivities. There is a fine line between this part of the night and the sobbing, sharing of everyone's problems in a massive heart-to-heart fest, though, so again- timing, timing, timing. You don't want to hear about the horrors of the potato famine AGAIN.
Grab a hot Irish date for the night and let her or him do the talking.
Last, but definitely NOT the least appealing option.
(Robert Sheehan, for example).
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