Anything's A Hammer

A chronicle of tips and tricks I used- and you can too!- while moving in without making a single trip to a hardware store.

Recently (meaning like, yesterday) I moved into my first very own apartment here in New York City. Exciting! Of course, as many young adults know, the world of build-it-your-own furniture is very real and not nearly as easy as they make it sound. (I'm not entirely sure who THEY are. But they're wrong and they suck). My friend who actually finds this unique form of torture fun referred to it as "adult legos." Now, I loved my little Lego Hogwarts community as a child and can wholeheartedly say he's wrong. There is nothing Lego-esque about trying to decipher the hieroglyphic messages that the Swedish instruction manuals are made of and hoping you're banging the right A into the correct B.

Now. That being said, my roommate and I were almost done assembling our dressers (with the help of a couple of our friends who's primary education for some reason apparently included several courses in hieroglyphics) when we got to the dreaded nailing step. We had sufficed so far with screws, drills, and screwdrivers and thought that was as tough as it was going to go. But no. In order to affix THE ENTIRE BACK of both dressers, we needed a hammer. Which we did not have.

At this point, we had a few options. 1. Go to a hardware store- immediately ruled out because it was around 10pm and they were closed. We figured.

2. Borrow a hammer. No friends of ours have hammers either. We're all very good at functioning as adults and buying basic household tools.

3. (My brilliant idea, if I do say so myself) Find things we DID have in the apartment that could be used to pound those pesky, tiny bits of metal into their wooden receptacles. Challenge accepted.

Hammer Substitute Idea #1

Tallie Gabriel's iPhone 5s

My first choice, because it was sitting directly opposite me on the counter as if WAITING to be called on as a hammer substitute, was my roommate's adorable snowman mug. The little trooper knocked about five nails into their wooden oblivion before I started to notice tiny, minuscule nicks being chipped into its bottom. (Lilian, if you're reading this just..disregard that last part. There are no nicks. It's a beautiful mug as good as new and if it was ever damaged it's definitely not my fault). Case in point, ceramic is not the best hammer material. Moving on.

Hammer Substitute Idea #2

Tallie Gabriel's iPhone 5s

I decided it might be best to stay within the realm of tools we DID have. Since both a screwdriver and a hammer were used to build things, that made them practically interchangeable, right? ...Not so much. After a few smacks, the pointy part (you know, the pointy part) of the screw driver tried to go through my hand, and the nail was no farther into the wood than it was 30 seconds and an injury-less hand ago. Abandon ship.

Hammer Substitute Idea #3

Tallie Gabriel's iPhone 5s

I barely even had my hand on my roommate's bottle of New Amsterdam vodka when I received a look from her that would make Hades himself shiver and run as far as possible in the opposite direction (which I guess would be up for him? Can one run up? Maybe Hades can, being a god and whatnot? Anyway). "If you crack that vodka open on your half-built dresser..." she started to threaten. Oooookay. I didn't even want to know what my consequence would be. Sleeping on the street, perhaps? Not worth the risk.

A Finally Suitable Hammer Substitute

Tallie Gabriel's iPhone 5s

Ladies and gentlemen, I present to you the Glorious, the Beautiful, the Multi-Purposed Trader Joe's (Giotto's, my bad) Extra Virgin Olive Oil! Not only did it bang those suckers down into my dresser in two shakes of a lamb's tail, it didn't break. Or spill in any way whatsoever. My hands may have felt a bit moisturized after, but I hear olive oil has amazing restorative properties for the skin. This is the winner, folks. Not only is olive oil a heathy fat that can be used in 90% of your cooking needs, It is the only hammer you'll ever need for most household projects. 10/10 would recommend to a friend!

For The Tighter Squeezes

Tallie Gabriel's iPhone 5s

Now, before I entirely swear by the olive oil, I must make it known that it's size can be a little compromising if you have a tighter nailing space. The inside of my closet while hanging a curtain, for example. For that I would entirely recommend Trader Joe's Black Peppercorns (WITH GRINDER). Almost as easy as the blessed olive oil and also a kitchen staple. Basically, all I'm saying is that hardware stores better watch out for the competition coming there way from grocery markets.

There you have it folks. If you can dream it, you can do it. I'd love to hear what other sort of hammers you brilliant young homemakers are using in other corners of the country. And remember: if life gives you lemons, make lemonade. Or if life gives you olive oil, make it a hammer.

Proof that the magnificent olive oil hammer produced a functioning dresser