10 Reasons Muslims Should Attend An Anti-Islam Event

Here are ten reasons why Muslim Americans should attend an anti-Islam event.

1. To enjoy better than average hors d’oeuvres.

Events like this can be pretty well funded, and of course this means you can expect good food. Well as long as you don't take too much offense to the fact that only pork products will likely be offered to the guests. Certain dietary sensibilities will seldom be taken into account.

2. To practice the I-will-take-a-photo-of-that-man-over-there-but-make-it-look-like-I’m-taking-a-selfie technique.

There will be a lot of hilariously confused faces of people worth capturing. Veiled women occasionally contribute amazing things in the area of art and seeing them at such events meant at highlighting disgusting "artistic expressions" would not usually be taken as so problematic, except of course if these artistic expressions seem to also paint a conflicting, more demeaning, and far from the truth, narrative of said veiled women.

3. To uphold the first tenant of shariah law; protection of religion.

As it so happens the constitution of the United States also offers its citizens protection of religion. Along with the freedom of speech exhibited at these events (which may or may not borderline hate speech), the freedom to express one's religion and diversity is a patriotic duty bestowed upon faithful American citizens.

4. To uphold the second tenant of shariah law, protection of human life.

Standing in solidarity with, and protecting all human life from lunatics is paramount. No exceptions and not a joke.

5. To uphold the third tenant of shariah law, protection of the mind.

Take one step towards a healthier brain muscle. Engaging in conversations that may entertain you (don't take some of these conversations too far) or that may further your understanding of your fellow human can offer you a healthier mind. Another avenue to protect the mind is to take whatever opportunity to discourage fellow participants from the consumption of alcohol.

6. To uphold the fourth tenant of shariah law; protection of progeny.

To, ehm, begin planning for tomorrows youth. These kinds of events make for good networking. The kind offered by other such matrimonial services.

7. To uphold the fifth tenant of shariah law; protection of property.

Where ethnically Arab and Southeast Asian folks go, a bottle of water soon follows into the bathroom stall. This of course translates to cleaner bathrooms and persons.

8. To be better able to speak up against incidents of hate speech.

Incidents of hate speech challenge peace and progress. Report incident of intimidation to federal authorities and to advocacy groups like CAIR.

9. To hand out open house flyers.

Use opportunities like this to invite others to your mosque's next open house or even to your own home.

10. To exercise your right to peacefully enjoy the liberties of this country where the police have a vested patriotic interest in protecting you instead of targeting you because of the way you look.

***in solidarity with the movements of our brothers and sisters in Baltimore protesting police brutality.

11. ..drops mic..

In honor of my brother, Yusor, and Razan, i.e. Our Three Winners. Making the world a better place, one smile at a time.