1.
*first date* Him: You have a very defined jawline. Me: Thanks! I chew a lot.
2.
*on a first date* Me: [remembering how my friend said women like mysterious men] my favorite color is a secret
3.
[1st date] DATE: When I'm with a handsome man I get all nervous & involuntarily start speaking French ME [leans across] Oh really? DATE: Yes
4.
Me on a 1st date: so yes I have a dog he is my child I need assure that u will be a positive influence in his life. Is that a problem?
5.
First date *dont let him know you been stalking him Him- so my brother just got deployed Me: Josh or Brian?
6.
[First date] Him:"Waiter!" Waiter:"Sir?" Him:"Could you check the toilets? My date has been gone 2 hours. Also, her coat has been stolen"
7.
[First Date] Me: "I'm sorry. It's just that I've been burned before." *Stuffs handful of fries through visor in hazmat suit *Closes visor
8.
[first date] HER: It looks like you work out ME: *adjusting the tissues in my sleeves* Oh yeah, big time worker outer
9.
[1st date] Maybe next time i could meet your dog [2nd date] Your dog is so cool [3rd date] Do u mind if me & your dog hung out without you
10.
[first date] Him: You're amazing! I'm having a great time! Me: I will fight you for the rest of this pizza.
11.
[first date] Him: Why are you being so distant? Me: Why didn't you order a side of guacamole?
12.
[first date] Her: I love your scent, what is it? Me: desperation.
13.
[first date] ME: I'm having a great time HER: I'm not ME: *peeking out from my pillow fort* I don't even let my dog in here, Janet
14.
[first date] her: so, tell me about yourself! me: well, im not good with dates her: but you're doing fine! me: christmas is on september 3rd
15.
[first date] HER: I really like you ME: I like you too HER: So did you bring protection? ME: *gesturing to my bodyguard* Yeah, this is Tony
16.
[first date] Her: I just love eating clean and staying healthy, you know? Me:*flashback to the time I cry-ate two lasagnas* Totally
17.
*lights dim in restaurant* DATE: did it just become sexier in here? ME: I CAN'T SEE MY MENU
18.
[First Date] Him: Great dress. Me: Oh, this? *flips hair* *twirls* *skirt flares* *foot catches* *face plants* Him: Me: Hey! Come back!
19.
[first date] Her: omg are you wearing a cape? Lol Me: [texting mom] ok you were right about the cape
20.
[first date] me: don't let her know you vocalise everything you think her: what? me: shit she knows
21.
First date Him: What do you do? Me [pulls out a Victoria's Secret catalog that I've clearly glued photos of my face into] "I'm a model."