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21 Signs You're Secretly A Real Bitch

You judge everything.

1. Even though you pride yourself on not being judgmental, you know you are.

Warner Bros.

In fact, you're the most judgmental person you know.

2. Your phone's camera roll is full of screengrabs of slightly cringe things your friends have done on social media that you've sent to someone else.

3. And whenever your school friends announce their engagements on Facebook, you send a screengrab to your mum to assess whether their ring is tacky or not.

Columbia Records

You learnt from the best.

4. If someone says something mean to you at work, you have a designated bitching buddy who'll meet you in the loo for a power-moan.

DreamWorks Pictures

"I'd rather have my face and a lower salary than their face and all the money in the world."

5. You play "What would you change?" all the time.

Universal Pictures

"If I was Amy, I'd start with cutting my hair, then I'd probably buy a whole new wardrobe, and then I'd get a new personality."

6. And you and your friends have ranked everyone you know out of 10 multiple times.


You have different ranking systems for personality and looks.

7. You often find yourself saying "Oh I love your hair", when you actually mean, "Your hair looks different."

Paramount Pictures

You feel like you have to acknowledge the change, even if you're not into it.

8. There are some random things that you know you shouldn't judge, but you do. And you can't help it.

9. And you always find yourself classifying new people you meet as "that kind of person".

Warner Bros.

"His room was too hot, and he refused to open the window. He's that kind of person."

10. You randomly impose your own standards on other people.

Walt Disney

He wasn't 10 minutes early to work, wtf?

11. And you always pass judgment on how clean other people's houses are.

Epitome Pictures

Especially their bathrooms.

12. You know that some of your opinions would hurt people's feelings, so you only voice them to a very select group of people.

Paramount Pictures

Your mum, your BFF, and your S.O. That's it.

13. But chances are, your siblings share the same opinions.

Walt Disney

You grew up together, so you judge the same things. You can't help it.

14. As soon as you see a new person, you instantly assess their outfit.

You're not even that mean inside your own head. You just think they could have done better.

15. If a friend tells you a secret and says, "Never tell anyone," you assume that excludes your BFF, your S.O., your siblings, and your mum.

Warner Bros.

They won't tell anyone, so it's fiiiine.

16. Sometimes you look at people and just think, "how"?

Beacon Communications

How have you achieved all of that? How?

17. You know that if the people around you could hear your internal monologue, you wouldn't have any friends.

18. Sometimes, when you can tell someone wants to get into your conversation but you don't want them to, you just ignore them.

The CW

They'll just think you can't hear.

19. And whenever anyone offers you ~constructive~ criticism, you're like "purrrrlease, you don't even know".


Thanks for your opinion bye.

20. And if anyone is ever mean to you, you just think, "Oh it must be because they have a sad and lonely life and they are jealous of my happy and fulfilled life."

Touchstone Pictures

Which, tbf, is probably true.

21. But hey, there's nothing wrong with being a bitch.

The CW

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