1. If your friend hates someone, the rule is that you hate them too.
2. You won't always know why you hate them, but that's OK. Life's all about the little mysteries.
3. Whenever your friend achieves anything, however minor, you must celebrate with Prosecco and a very large meal.
4. But then you must remind her of her teenage emo phase and the first time she threw up all over herself. Friends are there to keep you grounded.
5. There are some embarrassing stories you know you'll never be able to repeat.
6. And there are others that you must remind her of often.
7. But never when you're in the company of someone she's trying to ~seduce~.
8. Then you must list your friend's greatest achievements and most attractive qualities in a very casual and not-at-all-planned manner.
9. You must be available to analyse WhatsApp messages, backstalk exes, and rehearse difficult conversations at all times.
10. But if your friend takes her stalking too far, it is your duty to tell her.
11. Stalking the person she's seeing's most recent ex back to 2007 is fine.
12. Looking up their home address on the census is not.
13. You must always be honest with each other. Best friends say it like it is.
14. So if your friend has spinach in her teeth, it's your duty to tell her.
15. And if your BFF needs to wash her hair before going out, it's best she hears it from you.
16. But there's a way to deliver the truth that won't hurt her feelings.
17. If your friend asks you how she looks and the answer is terrible, tell her she has good bone structure, and that will never change.
18. It's OK to bombard each other with WhatsApp messages when you're facing drama.
19. Even if the drama only really exists inside your own head.
20. It's also OK to send each other screengrabs of other WhatsApp conversations you're having for analysis.
21. If something weird or new happens in sex, you must discuss it in graphic detail.
22. And you must never, ever judge. There are enough judgmental people in this world without BFFs joining in.
23. When your friend is really down, you must stay on the phone until you make her proper belly laugh.
24. But if the situation is really desperate, you must go to her house with wine.
25. There are some situations that only heavy drinking can solve.
26. If you go out for dinner and your friend orders a burger with chips, you must not order a sad salad.
27. No one likes a salad shamer.
28. You must keep each other's secrets.
29. But you must share everyone else's with each other. Telling your BFF doesn't count because she is basically you.
30. If you do a bad thing, you must own up to it.
31. And if your friend says sorry, you must forgive her.
32. You must never, ever say "I told you so."
33. On nights out, you must pee in the same cubicle.
34. Even if two are free, peeing together means gaining valuable gossip time.
35. If you hear someone bitching about your BFF, you must interject.
36. And then you must immediately list the bad qualities of the person doing the bitching.
37. If your friend feels insecure, it's your job to bring her back up.
38. You must fill each other in on every minor life update.
39. When it comes to best friends, no fact is too inane.
40. When your friend gets silly drunk, you must make sure she gets to bed. Even if it means cutting your own night out short.
41. You'll get your revenge the next day when you tell her exactly what she did last night.
42. You must be on hand to act as a doctor when your BFF isn't sure whether her symptoms warrant a trip to the GP.
43. And you must always make yourself available for pre-date pep talks and post-date debriefs.
44. If a bitchy thought pops into your brain, it's safe to share it with your BFF.
45. And even though you know it's mean, it's always safe to describe a new person by their "vibe" in front of your best friend.
46. Ranking everyone you know based on hotness while scoffing hash browns is a perfectly legit way to spend a hungover Sunday morning.
47. And giving people you know fake makeovers in your head will never not be fun.
48. But most of all, you know you will always be there for each other. No matter what.