Hi! I (Tabatha) and my workmate Matt are visiting Germany from the UK. We went to a supermarket with our German colleagues and bought...everything.
1. Milch-Schnitte
Matt: "I think I'd be addicted to these if I lived here."
Tabatha: "This is like two thin layers of sponge cake with marshmallow in between them. Really tasty."
Matt: "How is it so buttery? What's in them?"
"That's the mystery," our German colleagues reply. "No one knows because no one asks. It's best not to know."
2. Wiener Wuerstchen
3. Spreewaldhof Spreelinge
Tabatha: "These gherkins are so vinegary they hurt every part of my mouth. They kind of have the same texture as water chestnuts in a Chinese takeaway, but taste of pure vinegar."
Matt: "You're exaggerating – these aren't too bad."
At this point, our German colleagues tell us that you can make soup with the gherkin liquid, and I gag.
Tabatha: "I'm sorry, that's not normal."
4. Hanuta
5. Original Schweinekrusten
Tabatha: "Again, I can't eat these. But that packet genuinely smells like death."
We pass the bag around our German colleagues to smell, and every one of them recoils with disgust.
Matt: "If you can get past the smell, these taste like crisps. They're easier to eat than British pork scratchings. They're lighter and crispier. They do taste better than they smell, but my god they smell awful."
6. Rothaus Pils: Tannenzäpfle
Matt: "This is good beer. It's not tangy. It's not gassy. It goes down really easily."
Tabatha: "I'm not a big beer drinker, but this is perfectly drinkable. I mean, after smelling those pork things, anything's going to impress us though, isn't it?"
7. Leibniz Party Fun
Tabatha: "These are ugly. They don't look like the picture on the packet at all."
Matt: "And they just taste like sugar and sunflower oil."
Tabatha: "Ewwwwww."
8. Spreewaldhof Get One!
Tabatha: "OK I didn't think it was possible, but this is worse than the first type of gherkin. It's stronger, it's more watery, and the skin is so hard."
Matt: "I don't know how my body would react if I ate the whole thing."
Tabatha: And why is it swimming around in a tin of onion, mustard seeds, and dill?"
Matt: "On the plus side, this must count as one of your five a day."
9. Spritzkuchen
10. Gourmet pumpernickel bread
Matt: "This looks like sushi. Or hamster food. That's it: It looks like trendy hamster food."
Tabatha: "I'm Finnish so this is right up my street. It's crumby, delicious, and not too sweet. Perfect!"
11. Leibniz Butterkeks
Matt: "These are no different to rich tea biscuits."
Tabatha: "They're named after a philosopher, though. Soz, dad joke."
The Germans tell us that you can tell they're proper Leibniz biscuits if they have 52 dents around the outside. I love that.
12. Pretzel
13. Erdnuss Flippies
Tabatha: "OK, these are legit the nicest thing I've ever tasted. They're like Wotsits but peanuty."
Matt: "Yeah, these actually taste like peanut butter."
Tabatha: "How can crisps be creamy? This is incredible. I'd eat these every day for the rest of my life if I could."
14. Studentenfutter
Tabatha: "I mean, as a snack, this is boring. It's literally just a bag of fruit and nuts. It's weird that they're called 'student food' though. I did not eat fruit and nuts when I was a student."
Matt: "I guess Germans are healthier than Brits."
15. Vita-malz
16. Nic Nacs
Tabatha: "So these are basically coated nuts. They're a pretty standard bar snack. They taste kinda smoky though, which I like."
Matt: "And they're a bit cheesy. These are good! Next!"
17. Pick Up!
18. Fussballer brötchen
19. Saltletts Snack Mix
Matt: "So this is just a box of pretzels, salt sticks, and cheese savories."
Tabatha: "Idk why we don't eat cheese savouries in the UK more often. They remind me of long-haul flights. That's the only time you get them really."
Matt: "These are cool shapes, though."
Tabatha: "I mean, yes. But it's a bit rogue to theme your party snacks around sea life."
20. Marzipan Feine Currywurst mit Pommes
21. Berliner Kindl Weisse
Tabatha: "THIS IS ACTUAL BEER BUT GREEN OMGGGGGGG."
Matt: "It's very sweet."
Tabatha: "OH MY GOD I LOVE IT SO MUCH. THIS IS SUCH A SPOOKY DRINK. I WANT TO DRINK THIS EVERY DAY FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE."
The Germans tell us this is very touristy and that no true German would ever drink this.
Tabatha: I DON'T CARE, I AM A TOURIST AND I WILL DRINK GREEN BEER IF I WANT TO.
22. Dresdner Russisch Brot
Tabatha: "These taste like the tops of Party Rings, but they're waaaaaay less pretty."
Matt: "They're like very thin meringues that disintegrate in your mouth. They kind of taste like caramel and ginger."
Tabatha: "Tbf, I could probably eat an entire bag of these very easily."
23. Club-Mate
Tabatha: "I love this stuff. It's a fizzy drink that has no taste. It just tastes of general fizz. It's great."
Matt: "It's kind of like Irn-Bru."
At this point, the Germans casually tell us that if you order a Club-Mate and vodka in a bar, you're handed a Club-Mate and asked to take a gulp. Then your bottle is topped up with vodka. We look visibly intimidated.
24. Super Dickmann's
Tabatha: "Dick, lol."
Apparently I'm not the first person to find this amusing.
Matt: "They taste like Tunnock's Teacakes. They're a kind of marshmallowy stuff with a very thin chocolate coating and a wafer underneath them."
Tabatha: "They're full of white creamy stuff and they're called dick, lol."
25. Dickmann's Schoko Strolche
Matt: "These are the same, but smaller. I guess they're more dignified to eat?"
Tabatha: "My body hurts."