1. The girl who’s on a mission.
You’ll find her strategically positioned on the raised part of the dance floor, weighing up her options for tonight. If it gets to 2am and she still hasn’t pulled, she’ll venture into the middle of the floor and stumble into boys until one takes her home. You can’t but admire her tenacity.
5. The couple who are about to break up.
“Were you checking out that girl?” “No, definitely not.” “You were, though.” “OMG MAYBE WE’RE JUST NOT MEANT TO BE.” This conversation is happening across the smoking area. Not in it. Not around it. Across it. At a frankly unacceptable volume.
6. The friends who are about to break up.
Also based in the smoking area, one VK too many has led these friends to believe it’s time to talk through all of their unspoken grievances. This is a process that involves tears, runny mascara and a drunken phone call to mum on the way home.
16. The rugby lads.
“Down it, fresher,” they’ll shout, despite the fact that none of them have been freshers for at least five years. They don’t agree with wearing clothes on the top halves of their bodies, their torsos are covered in curry from dinner and they think the ultimate test of manliness is strawpedoing bottles of wine.
17. The girls who’ll look perfect on Facebook tomorrow.
These girls have been sipping a single vodka and tonic for the last three hours. They don’t want to get drunk because they might not look their best in the pictures they’re about to take of themselves next to the club’s least shabby parts.