Growing up, chances are your parents told you a couple, uh...white lies to make their lives a little easier. I know mine did!!!
Well recently, Reddit user u/bordemstirs asked the question "What is the most ridiculous/fucked up lie your parents told you?" in r/AskReddit, and let me tell ya, these lies range from genius to sweet to downright EVIL. Here are some of the wildest ones.
1. "When I was a kid, my father told me about 'the can.' He said it contained a family secret of incredible value, and that when I turned 18, I could see it. On my 18th birthday, I asked my father about the can. He said 'The fuck is the can?' and after I reminded him of it, he burst out laughing, saying that he was fucking with me. For almost a decade, I believed that I would be privy to some cosmic secret on my 18th birthday. Turns out I'm just very impressionable."
2. "When I was little, my mom told me if I didn't finish my dinner, my stomach would get very hungry and come up and eat my brain. A few nights later, I woke her up at midnight crying because my stomach growled and I needed a second dinner or it would eat my brain."
3. "My parents said that my siblings and I had a sister named Alice. Apparently, she wouldn't stop talking in the car, so they dropped her off on the side of the road. We never spoke on road trips ever again."
4. "My dad got fed up of watching Barney & Friends when I was a kid, so one day when I asked to watch it, he said: 'You can't. Barney died.'"
5. "Around the time that Toy Story first came out, my dad drove an Infiniti and he told us that he could press a button and go 'to infinity and beyond' to jump over other cars. He'd have us close our eyes and press the button and he’d speed up and pass the car in front of us while our eyes were closed. As a kid, I thought he was magic."
6. "That my eyes turned orange when I lied. I always covered my eyes when I lied so my mom couldn’t see them!"
7. "My birthday is the 11th of July. The gas station 7-Eleven gives away free slushies on 7/11. When I was 7, 8, and 9 years old, my parents just told me that the 7-Eleven wanted to celebrate my birthday by giving me free slushies, and I did not question it. I thought the gas station just really liked me!"
8. "That if I didn't brush my teeth, tiny teeth goblins would sneak into my room at night and pull out my teeth while I slept. I was genuinely afraid of the teeth goblins!"
9. "When my dad wanted me to stop bothering him, he would send me on aimless errands. He'd say stuff like, 'Go to the shed and get me the chain stretcher.' I’d be looking for hours."
10. "My cat died and my mom told me that he moved to Florida."
12. "They told me kids came from a government agency called the CAA (Child Assignment Agency) and that they could exchange me whenever they want if I misbehaved. They told me they were eyeing a 'well-behaved little girl' but hadn't decided yet. They used it against me for years."
14. "If I ate too much Halloween candy, I'd turn into an Oompa Loompa."
15. "There is no more strawberry milk ever. They killed all the pink cows (that's where strawberry milk comes from, obviously) to make the milk that I drank, and now they were all dead."
16. "I was told that watermelon seeds would grow inside me and sprout out of my head if I swallowed them. Needless to say, I cried until I threw up when I accidentally swallowed watermelon seeds."
17. "That if I ate too much candy, ants would come out of my ass."
18. And lastly, this Classic™: "That it’s illegal to turn the light on in the car while driving."
H/T r/AskReddit
Stories have been edited for length and/or clarity.