I know it’s 2 a.m., and I know I’m drunk. But it’s just a carrot. And carrots have negative calories… right?
I’m sorry. I knew it was your cookie, and I took it anyway. Dude… I’m sorry.
Don’t look at me. If you don’t look at me, it didn’t happen.
Can’t. Even. Feel. Cheeks. Can’t. Stop. Suckling. Marinara.
Omigod was that yours?! Omigod. Omigod I’m so sorry.
You do NOT need the macaroni, Cheryl. You do NOT need it. AHHHH BUT IT SMELLS SO GOOD.
Omigod am I eating a peanut?! I totally thought I was just licking the ground. Omigod closing my mouth NOW.
Last one. I swear.
I’M JUST SO HUUUUNGRY.
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