How You Know You Are BFFs With Someone With Severe Anxiety/Paranoia

I made this to mock all those "signs your BFF is your soulmate" posts because none of those apply to me. I have many issues, but it doesn't mean my version of friendship is wrong... just different. So here is to all us crazies!

1. You feel so loved by your bff it's almost a stalker/stalkee relationship

When you wake up from a midday nap you have a ridiculous amount of missed calls and texts all about needing to talk to you, or why are you ignoring me, and what did I do to make you mad, and well you get the point

2. Even though you've been close for over a decade touching is still NOT ok

*this is the one that always annoys me on other lists, like you aren't a good friend if you don't hug or cuddle with your bff?! Helloooo I have a personal bubble I don't want penetrated by anyone and my best friend gets it and accepts me how I am

3. You are constantly calming your friend down telling them it's ok to go to bed

"No, you aren't going to die if you fall asleep"

"A plane isn't going to fall out of the sky and on to your room, crushing you"

"A car isn't going to drive through your bedroom wall"

4. Doing a "drive-by" to social events is the norm

You know once she sees how many people are at a party she's gonna start hyperventilating about not being able to be around people and have to make an excuse to go home...

5. The government isn't engaging in mental warfare with you through tomatoes

The government barely knows you exist, they aren't out to get you or your tomatoes!

6. Her honesty is the best and WORST thing about her

Sometimes saying nothing is better than being too pragmatic about everything

7. You're pretty convinced she's gonna become a serial killer

Anytime you mention you may have to poo, she freaks out saying how gross that is to talk about. Yet in a bookstore she heads right for the "True Crime" section to try and show you all the bloody dead bodies in the photos and gets excited by the more bloody ones?!

8. You have to tell her someone likes her

She doesn't get that people aren't "Just being nice" and that guy was basically asking her out

9. She is constantly needing your help to calm down

Phone calls and texts asking to be fixed and what's wrong with me at any hour of the day

10. There is never a shortage of entertainment in your life!

Just sending her a picture will set her off for hours lol